This is a Trip Report from the Upper Class cabin
Ground Staff
Food & Drink
Entertainment
Seat
Cabin Crew
I won't prattle on too much with the preamble to this trip, I know that ultreen1 has quite a tale to tell with his.. Something involving Come Dine With Me I believe, that I know has already been covered.
The morning of departure for me usually involves packing and locking down my house like Fort Knox, as we all do before going away, however my house is currently a construction site and I packed the night before.. Lots of waiting around kicking my heels waiting for the car service was clearly on the horizon. Throw in a surprise visit from my mother who didn't know I was about to leave the country and of course insisted on staying for tea. Fortunately the kettle was easily accessible and this has absolutely nothing to do with the flight or VS experience. Sorry
Car service arrived early, and in no time at all I was on the way to Heathrow. Amusingly I had been assigned the same driver for my return flight last month so it was quite nice to catch up with him and he even remembered to ask if my luggage ever appeared - VS lost my luggage on the return from SFO last month, but will save that farce for another TR (perhaps ..)
Arrival at the DTCI was a little slow as the staff in the wing were sadly absent. The barrier didn't open automatically and even the intercom went unanswered except for some weird clicking noise that sent a bit of a shiver down my spine (think Alien Vs Predator). Eventually the barrier opened with nothing said from the speaker box and the driver drove up the ramp to a completely empty wing reception.
A red coat appeared though the automatic door and immediately apologised for the wait (about a minute) It was so quiet in the wing and my 'slot' was the only one for a good while so the wing was actually unstaffed by check in staff, this lovely lady had been sent from downstairs to meet me. I just always assumed there were permanent staff in the wing - I guess not now and whilst I'm probably not qualified to judge the staffing of the main check in desks, it can't be good to leave the DTCI looking like a ghost town for any that pass those desks from the main UC check in to get to the private security channel.
My commentary aside, I was handed my boarding pass, immediately handed it back and asked for another one. As any that read my 'empty at Heathrow' thread will have gleaned, I was selected for secondary gate screening AGAIN (twice in as many months!!!) Sadly I did not get another one without those SSSS markings that made me feel like a war criminal, but it was worth a try. The lovely lady that was manning the fort solo did offer to call ops for a reason but suggested it might be better if I did that in the CH so I could have lunch whilst awaiting an answer. I took her advice and headed for security. Security was also deserted and the banter and random conversations I had with the guys and girls at the check point really brightened their day - their words - today was a really quiet one to fly and they were understandably bored. Nothing suspicious and as these guys didn't try to steal my deodorant can (incident with Australian security back in September.. Again a story for another TR) I was swanning the halls of Duty Free in no time at all.
Resisting the lure of the Whisky shelves, I headed straight for Lounge H and as I was overburdened with carry-ons I hopped in the lift. It does amuse me that there is a bench in there for the entire 5 second lift journey, I still used it though.
On exiting the lift I was nearly run down by a group of Chinese tourists that apparently had been causing similar havoc in the CH, as the staff at the pedestals mentioned when I paralleled them to the stereotype of Asian drivers. Will the mods censor that comment I wonder.... I mean no harm
Scanned into the CH and straight on to the concierge desks to find out why I am being 'selected' for secondary screening beyond what could be considered random. The concierge guys were great and very sympathetic to my situation, on this occasion I have three carry on bags that will need to be searched at the gate, promising to contact ops to find out why I was selected whilst I enjoy the CH.
The next port of call was the spa for my haircut (not paid for a haircut in years by the way, thank you VS for that one) which considering today's light pax number was easy to book for the time that I wanted.
Stopped into the brasserie next for a spot of lunch, clubhouse burger - easy choice - and then moved onto the area I have affectionately dubbed 'the pit' for a bit of a repose and another glass of whiskey or two before my haircut. Service was really on form in some areas of the clubhouse but sadly not others, with the staff clustering and chatting as opposed to serving the few pax in the lounge. Onus is on the CH manager for that one for not making sure his staff were paying attention to the few pax under their care.
I don't really know what to say about my haircut other than it was competently done, as always, I had a nice chat with the hairdresser and he pointed out what American have done to the 'temporary' structure now blocking the views from the CH
Brilliant. Hats off to you American Airlines.
On my way out of the spa area I made eye contact with the concierge and thought it best to head over to see what she had learned. Apparently, v-flyers, my 'mark' was at the behest of the Americans, I'm on a list clearly. Nothing to be done, I thought it best to head for the jazz corridor for a final few drinks before boarding.
Unlike traditional v-flyer thinking I opted to leave at the first call considering the additional security checks ahead of me. The lack of travellators didn't help matters either, not that I was so plastered I found it difficult to walk, but some people in front of me really did lack any sense of urgency.
Arrival at the gate was met with a smile and no one in the priority queue, then my boarding pass was scanned and the beeps usually associated with an upgrade rang about the gate area as the agent said that I have been pre selected for an extra check... A security officer (random lady in a very ill-fitting blazer, clearly inherited with the post) appeared from the woodwork indicating that this was random! Ha, I think not my fair lady, and I proceeded to explain that random for me would be a statistically impossible and that this is your American overlords at Homeland Security being paranoid. I had her laughing a fair amount by the time she introduced me to the gent that was soon to become my prison wife, unsurprisingly I received a confused look or two from passing pax as the search progressed.
The search was handled somewhat professionally but I really think they need to screen off the search area. As I was travelling hand baggage only, everything people travel with was sequentially inspected and laid out on that former medical examiners table. Everything!! And the rather 'quick' thinking guard who was conducting the search even had the audacity to suggest I was sharing too much information when explaining why my shaver was wrapped in kitchen roll - he asked. Sadly his wit was no match for mine as I pointed out; following the thorough pat down that he had given me coupled with the extreme invasion of privacy that searching all of my belongings so meticulously required, that I was expecting a ring, or at least dinner by this point. Back to the smirks from his colleagues that as time went on became more and more interested, not in me but by the way he was conducting the search. He pushed the boundaries of professional behaviour and whilst never crossing the line, came dangerously close. I have subsequently alerted VS and also LHR security as I think some additional training for this guy is required. As an example of the dance with the line, I have flown a fair amount and have never been asked before to loosen my trousers so he could feel the waistband!
Anyways, we boarded through door 2 and the welcome at the door was lacklustre at best, "you know where you are going?" Was the only thing asked of me.. Well yes I do thanks, it is possible I have flown with the CC manning the door before and he recalled me, I have no idea.. but as soon as I had found my seat the CSS came over to welcome me aboard and offer me a drink. I followed up with a request to speak with the FSM if he was available, nothing serious I just wanted to pass on some choccies for the crew. The FSM came over, welcomed me back and addressed me by name - he'd checked the manifest - chocolates handed over and that brought what was at least half the crew compliment in my direction thanking me and asking why... Acts of kindness, come on v-flyers, lead the way.. Give your crews a box of chocolates to see off the flight.
With all 129pax on board a good 10mins ahead of schedule we were able to push back from the gate sooner than timetabled and we were airborne at 1548, which for LHR ATC is a godsend.
Double ping of the seatbelt sign indicated a successful takeoff and we were swinging out towards the Atlantic in no time at all.
The crew waltzed into action and without hesitation the FSM came around with the menus, introduced the menu and really made an effort to connect with the pax. I was served my first glass of bourbon on the rocks in short order and a few of the other pax looked my way with envious eyes - they should have brought the crew candy.
Whiskey numbers 1 and 2 were delivered and refilled almost as soon as I was finished them. The crew were really on form and, judging by my initial experiences this flight, are definitely worthy of one of my rare notes to Crawley towers.
After the first drinks run, the CSS came back with the crew member covering my section and paused for a brief chat, the FSM joined and I received more than my fair share of 'galley gossip' ... for example, after CX start their flights from LGW-HKG in a few months VS will have to reexamine whether LHR-HKG is a profitable route ..... The next route drop I fear if true. The FSM also passed through the cabin with customs forms, definitely needed by most when landing into EWR as they have no second vista ESTA machines. It was a nice touch as he filled in the flight number and date for people that required them and I don't think that I have seen that from a member for VS CC before, has anyone?
For the meal I chose the following:
... And I have just been informed that there is a max of three attachments to my TR.... errrrrr ok, back to uni reference days it is then (I will capitalise, underline and ref number any following attachments):
PUDDING ref4 - attached below
Terrine followed by beef with pretty much a bottle of red wine demolished throughout. Choc brownie dessert. All of it was fantastic.
After dinner was inhaled, all the booze made me hungry... it was time to camp down at the bar to have a natter with the FSM and cabin crew and of course my signature mug of green tea
BAR ref5 - attached below
Topics of conversation covered were fairly basic with the always prevalent A333 dread, A346 refits - if only.. and amusingly hopes of the A380 joining the roster - when did this come back on the docket? VS A380 take up has surely got to be dead by now.... no?
I also must confess that I am a bit of a clepto when it comes to branded goodies and whilst I was once told there were four different variants of the VS UC mug, I only have 3 different designs in my kitchen cupboard. My search for the fourth mug continues and on this flight I asked them very nicely to pull all of them, with only three designs in the drawers.. the hunt continues.
On this trip my walk about the plane with green tea in hand, was relatively uneventful (no elderly pax standing up and pulling me into their vacant seats, so I wasn't in the way, this trip - long story and perhaps yet another TR - haven't you missed my shenanigans dear reader
) I did receive a fair few looks from the Y pax as if saying 'Why do I have a mug!?' Otherwise the plane was quiet... Got bored, back to the UC bar. I opted on two cheeseburgers from the graze menu, both delicious whilst delving into the IFE and whilst it was a mid range flight by VS standards there was a fair amount of turbulence (and subsequent announcements), but made it though most of the films I have yet to see.
Surprisingly, a random conversation with the FSM at this stage also yielded what I believe to be the current number of UNIQs that are flying the VS network.. In fairness it was part of a commentary on the VS/DL deal and what he saw as that which each side brought to the table.. He didn't realise what he was telling me, but I think that there are roughly 300 UNIQs currently on the VS books. 300 clients for PAMS, definitively manageable by VS.. Let's hope they don't screw it up. How many are V-Flyers? Come on.... own up
Rest of the flight passed by rather uneventfully aside from the turbulence, and crew checking to make sure everyone was ok. There was definitely excellent crew engagement on this flight, hence my high marks. Landed into EWR after, what seemed like, a fair few circuits of the stack giving fantastic views over manhattan. I tend to fly into JFK and I have got to say that the Manhattan skyline views are almost worth the inconvenience of flying into EWR.
We landed more or less on time and deplaned through door 1, sadly after the dash from the plane to the hall of woes, immigration/customs was very busy. Luckily, I headed for the desk at the far end, and pay attention v-flyers as some sage advice for those landing into EWR is about to follow.. The two furthest desks from your arrival point are usually used for 'extra time' candidates or special cases and the rest of the time they take people from the queue nearest them.. I was lucky, both of these desks were staffed and the queue on the end was short. I was through in about 15minutes.
My car was waiting at door 9 of level 2 and after a quick call from me in the immigration line, he was waiting to pick me up by the time I arrived. Amusingly when I shuffled up to the customs' desk, the officer took one look at me and waved me through, the half dozen or so Asian families in front of me were not so lucky - have you got any food? Are you sure you have no food? Ha ha ha, yes mods I'm publishing a racial stereotype again. Censor me!!
Quick ride into Manhattan whilst hearing all about the fact my driver was ex militarily, currently armed and about to ask his long term girlfriend to marry him... heaven forbid she were to say no... and I was meeting up with blacky1 and ultreen1 in no time at all - A fun evening definitely followed, but sadly this TR is over. Yes I would recommend VS to anyone.
Please forgive typos or any stream of consciousness tangents.. Stay tuned dear readers, Joey's rantings will return
that wouldn't be the one with the 126 load checks was it and zero TR's 
