VS603 LHR-CPT 21 Nov 08 (Upper)
Posted: 25 Nov 2008, 17:45This is a Trip Report from the Upper Class cabin
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At check in we were greeted by a long queue and only one agent for Upper, so in an effort to expedite the process and make it in time for my haircut, I tried my luck with the check in machine. Thirty seconds later I was provided with my boarding card, although it was on blank paper stock without the nice purply background.
With hand baggage only, and a combination of home and airport printed BP's, I thought we'd try our luck going airside despite what Premier said. And sure enough we sailed through, so I'm afraid I'd had a bum steer from Premier.
Having negotiated ourselves through the twists and turns of the yellow brick road that tempts you with Duty Free, we arrived at the CH where I had my haircut, hot tub and shower, while my companion had a facial, whatever that is. This evening the CH was heaving. It seems that other airlines like Qatar have access these days and there was almost nowhere to sit ourselves down comfortably. Many of the dining tables were 'reserved' for some reason, but I never saw anyone sit at the reserved tables. In the end all that was left was one of the table video games for our base camp, and we ordered food from there. Arriving within ten minutes, the curry was as welcome as ever, while my partner in crime had the bangers and mash, again receiving the thumbs up.
At about 7:30pm the CH started emptying out and thankfully became rather less frenzied.
Once again, that long walk to gate 40 seemed almost as far as Nelson Mandela's long walk to freedom, but thankfully secondary security and boarding pass checking were queue free and painless, although the single jetway for boarding the A346 though door L2 proved to be the usual bottleneck.
Now here's the interesting part. Back in our end of the UC cabin (14A & 15A), check in had shown that there were twenty or so seats empty. But almost miraculously a number of people milling about the bar area like gannets suddenly descended into those same seats making an almost completely full cabin bar one seat. My radar klaxoned 'Staff alert, staff alert', and so it proved to be.
Now imagine, dear reader, the screech of a needle on the record followed by the Psycho music. Three infants. And one next to me. Uh-oh. An FA tells me that there was one spare seat (14K) if I'd like it. I explained that I was with my adjacent traveller, and so I'd like to sit with them thank you very much.
Then five minutes later the same FA asks if I'd like to move to 16A, so the baby can have my seat, to which I declined, explaining that I would rather not sit by the bar due to the noise (although it turned out to be Galley FM at the bar that was to provide more disturbance).
Well, at least the parents of all three infants were making a good effort to placate their little ones, and they are to be applauded for this. Sadly the little'un next to me did not understand that my refusal to make eye contact with her meant that I'd prefer my evasion to be reciprocated. Instead, I had a three year old using the seat as a climbing frame, and climbing over to stick her fingers in my Champagne, having the nearly disasterous consequence of a Leonard Rossiter and Joan Collins moment. After a prolonged ninety minute standoff of nerves, the aspiring Chris Bonington lost the battle and thankfully took to sleeping instead.
I wonder, have the PJs changed or am I even fatter than I was back in May (my last UC trip)? Sadly I have lost my self confident amour with Mediums, and now have to go Large. God help me when I have to go Super Size.
Early on the CSD comes round with the amenity 'bits without the kits' in a basket. And that was it. The next time I see her is at the gate at CPT as she walks the cabin with the paperwork to the exit door.
Now here's another thing. The FA we dealt with for the flight seemed like she'd be OK but she was indifferent to everything, and I don't believe I ever ever heard a please or thank you from her. As usual I make a special effort to make eye contact and show my gratitude at each point of service, but she looked away before as I opened my mouth. The indifference was astonishing enough to be rude. I didn't get it at all.
Regarding the food, there was nothing on the menu that said 'eat me'. In fact it was so mediocre it was shockingly bad. Had I not have been a captive audience I would surely have gone elsewhere. I am sorely tempted to bring on my own food when travelling UC. Apart from the Brazilian Cab/Shiraz, the wines on offer were similarly really disappointing, with the chardonnay being particularly rank. It was the kind of wine you expect in a pub when you ask 'what wine do you have', exacting a reply 'we have red or white', to which you say 'I'll have a lager top then'.
Sleep was rather luck of the draw: there was a lot of Galley FM going on that trickled and sometimes gushed through to both of us, making rest rather difficult.
Now here's a thing. Surely there must be a way to be courteous when securing the cabin prior to landing. As the seat belt light came on, I was putting on my shoes. An FA comes past and fully barks at me 'Put on your seatbelt, Sir', continuing the really bitter attitude I'd encountered throughout the flight. For God's sake how difficult is it to give a modicum of due consideration? In despair, I finally lost patience, and respond 'As you can see, I am putting on my shoes: once I have done that I will put on the seatbelt, in about ten seconds', to which Mme Barker looks round to a following FA with a look of 'what was that about?' Darling, learn some manners.
They reminded folks they'd given questionaires out to to return them. A shame I didn't have the opportunity to complete one myself.
Now I didn't say anything about my thoughts on the crew to my travelling companion. She'd only ever travelled Y, so I was hoping she'd really enjoy the UC experience, and I could see her eyes light up on boarding when she saw the seat, commenting that it wasn't at all what she expected in a very positive way. But as we drove to our accommodation in CPT, she made an unsolicited comment about the crew attitude and behaviour, to which I concurred saying that it was the second worse trip on VS I'd ever taken. I then mentioned that I hoped we didn't get the same crew on the return...