VS016 MCO-LGW 4 APR 10 (Upper Class)
Posted: 08 Apr 2010, 20:12This is a Trip Report from the Upper Class cabin
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Sorry it's so lengthy
I took a town car (FL Tours – bloody good and reliable)
to MCO. I’m not one for rushing through airports and as (a) I am a smoker who would need a few ciggies to boost my nicotine levels for the next 11 hours or so, (b) I knew the security lines at MCO can be quite long and (c) I wanted to check out the retail outlets and the Delta Lounge, I got there 3 hours before the flight. Glad I did, I would have been rushing things if I had left it under 2 hours.This was my first time flying UC – so I was a bit excited.
Queues for the Y check-in were heaving as I walked up. Went to the UC check-in area. Could feel the stares of longing and envy from those in the Y queue boring into me with as I stood there...just as I have done myself many times when waiting in the Y line and stared at “those rich smug bastards going UC”! (“But lads, I’ll be back there amongst you again sometime” I thought – this is not a travel luxury that I can afford to become a habit! But my God it’s nice to do once in a while!) 
Delightful elderly “refined” couple at the UC desk with more luggage than the Queen of Sheba – who were beautifully vague and seemed mildly phased by the check-in process...but all being handled wonderfully by the amiable check-in lady...who was wearing pink bunny ears! At first I thought that Mr Branson was taking over Hugh Hefner’s empire and that this was going to be the new uniform for them....flagrantly gross sexist exploitation in my opinion
...after all the blokes weren’t wearing ‘em! 
Then I caught on that of course it was Easter Sunday...Durrr! 
Then it came to my turn. In all the years that I have been flying, I have never had such a hysterically funny check-in.
The check-in girl was called C*****. Who would have thought that I would end up, at the end of this check-in, leaning on the desk literally crying with laughter, because of the banter that was going on between her, me and the cabin crew and pilots that were checking in next to me. Lord knows what the pax in the Y line must have thought.(I should point out there was no-one in line waiting behind me, so we weren’t holding anyone up.)
”Flying on your own today sir?” was her opening line. “Yes,” I replied, “my partner had to stay at home”. “Oh dear, you left him behind whilst you went to see Mickey” she giggled. Big grin on my face, I retorted (à la Catherine Tate) “And what makes you think my partner is a man...how verrrry da
re you, madam”. Quick as a flash she came back at me “Aw come on honey, with that cologne and that great taste in jeans and shirt...I mean, c’m on... pleeeeeeeaasse” That set the tone for a lovely conversation by which time I found out that she was Irish/Italian American ( my partner is Irish), that she had a couple of gay uncles who wanted to get hitched and she was fascinated by my short recollections of our Civil Partnership 3 years ago (been together 14 years)
Then, a load of crew (pilots and cabin) were checking in next to me. A male FA was making fun of C***** and her ears...whilst a female pilot was asking for a set for herself. There was way more that went on in the ensuing 5 or 10 minutes, but hence I was leaning on the desk crying with laughter!
I had told C***** that it was my first time in UC – so of course she told me that made me a Virgin UC Virgin and promptly instructed the departing crew to ply with lots of champagne “as he’s gonna need it!”
Finally, check-in was done, and I said cheerio to the Wonderful C*****. Shaking my head, still laughing, clearing the tears of laughter from eyes, I headed outside to boost my nicotine levels...and wishing that all check-in staff could be as human and affable as C*****. What a great start to my first UC experience.
Having puffed my way thru a few cigarettes (I’ve been to the States many times, so know only too well the dangers of saying “Blimey, I’m gasping for a fag”) I headed to security.
The security lines looked like the Evacuation of Saigon – the queues were seriously, seriously long. A female security official was passing. I asked her if there were any special lines for UC/1st Class pax. She said not as such, but as I was travelling by myself, I could use the “Expert Traveller” line – to the left of the main security lines. (Useful tip for those not laden with lots of kids and mementos). I now realise that this has been highlighted on The Boards before, but I hadn’t picked up on it. Anyone reading this, take note – if you are used to air travel, and understand the score about removing belts, shoes, lap tops etc at security – USE THE EXPERT TRAVELLER line!
Again I could feel the eyes of the poor sods in the other interminable line glaring at me as I whisked through security. You see, it pays to ask!
Once off the tram to the gate area, I wondered around the shops (not v. Inspiring), had a burger and then headed up to the Delta Sky Lounge.
I’ve not flown UC before, so have never had the chance to use a Clubhouse – but I can imagine the disappointment of having experienced a Clubhouse to be then faced with what is a very large, light, airy and pleasant, but, ultimately, bland shared airline lounge. Even less snacks than the Servisair lounge at LGW – but a nice large staffed bar. Plenty of large chairs and sofas...and of course wi-fi. At least I could catch up on the news via my I-touch whilst knocking back a couple of v nice Bloody Mary’s!
Flight announced in the lounge. I got up (I seemed to be the only VS pax in the lounge) and was escorted to the gate by a VS rep. Apparently, they escort UC pax to the gate from the Delta lounge – thought it was because I had the look of a numpty that needed a grown up with him. Either that or they wanted to make sure I actually left the country.
Either way, I was the only VS UC pax there to be escorted.
Again, ran the gamut of envious stares from y pax as was passed thru the gate.
And then...got to the airplane door...and I was shown ....LEFT!
OK OK, so I was like a kid on Christmas Eve. For us mere mortals for whom UC is not a regular standard, this was a bit of an “Oh Gosh and Wow!” moment.
Greeted by a really friendly CC called ****. As he handed me my champagne, I told him it was my first time in UC. “Ah right, luv” he trilled with a big grin, “I’ll be back in a jiff, to guide you through my equipment”. Good grief...have all the VS crew at MCO been trained in gay banter and double entendre. Yep, you’ve guessed it folks, this led to yet more laughter filled chats over the course of the evening before I bedded down for the night.
The cabin was full and none had been the Delta lounge with me. Wonder where they had all been?
Most people were donning their black sleeping suits, prior to dinner. As we all sat there in our respective tabled chairs, wearing our sleeping suits, the scene looked like a care home for a bunch of Star Trek conventioneers...all that was missing were our communication devices and warp drive enabled catheter bags!
Dinner was lovely – I had the pork. And the wine (I had the Bordeaux) was genuinely excellent.
Throughout this, I watched the movie “A Single Man” – superb...you can see why Firth won the BAFTA and was nominated for an Oscar. I was blubbing at the beginning and at the end. Resulted in **** coming over to see if I was alright and watching the end of the movie me with me ...having got me another glass of that Bloody Good Bordeaux!
Settled down to sleep. I never sleep on planes – even when I have flown BA Club class. Yet next thing I knew, I was being woken up with a nice “D’you wanna cup of tea?” Marvellous.
Then a full English – again, marvellous.
Went to get changed out of my Trekkie Suit in the loo. Confronted by woman from PE saying “There’s a queue you know!”. Then heard myself say the most awful sounding snotty comment “But don’t you have your own toilets?” (Come on, I was still sleepy) Quite rightly she looked me up and down with a very firm sour “No!”
Once back in my day clothes, was nearly ready for landing.
What a really good flight – can honestly say the best overnight TA flight that I have had.
Once at gate, headed off to the IRIS immigration booth (having registered outbound see VS027 LGW-MCO 27 MAR 10 (Premium Economy)) You follow the signs to “Other Passports” rather than head to the UK passport area (huh? Why do they put it there?)
. When I got there, a woman was already in the booth. The electronic voice was asking her to look in the camera, step back, step forward, look in the camera....I then heard an American males’ voice call behind me “Does it work honey?”, “Nah”, came back the woman in the booth “I think it’s bust”. She walked back out. “Are you a UK passport holder who registered before?” I asked. “Nah, but we have the same system in the US – yours f****ing sucks!” “Madam”, I said “it is only for us British Citizens and Passport Holders”.
Walked into it, looked into the mirror, got cleared. Just as I left the booth I turned and shouted after her, “Our system doesn’t suck love – you do!”
(Sorry I couldn’t resist being A Snotty Patriotic Limey!And off I went to the Exit door. First one through from the whole plane.
Partner there to meet me (he’d stayed at the Hilton the night before) – who had threatened that he was going to do a re-enactment of the last scene of “Love Actually” when Martine McCutcheon leaps up into Hugh Grant’s arms. Decided against it, as I didn’t want to be flattened by 15 stone of built like a prop forward hairy Irishman in the arrivals area! – much as I love ‘im! But big hugs etc nevertheless.
Then able to pop back to the Hilton and take a shower in his room and then head back to Darkest Devon.
So, how was my first time in UC? Great.
Worth the cost? For a night flight yes, definitely. For a day flight? Well, PE was very comfortable on the way out, so I would say I’d stick with PE next time on a day flight.
Compared to BA Club Class? The BA food is marginally better, but there is little difference in the personal service. If anything BA was slightly stilted and stuffy. All the Virgin staff I met on the ground and the air, were (at worst) very polite and helpful and (at best) bloody hilarious real human beings. Again, I’d choose Virgin over BA.
So here ends my epistle.
Now where can Joe and I go next with my Frequent Flyer miles....?
Cheers
Devon Bloke (aka Andy)
Edited to remove staff names as per forum rules - honey lamb
