V-Flyer

An Ode To Cape Town

"Cape Town, Cape Town, Cape Town,
A place where I quite want to be,
Your mountains so lofty,
Your treetops so tall,
Cape Town, Cape Town, Cape Town,
Cape Town has it all"

By mdvipond, aged 40 and a half (with apologies to Monty Python).


Rooftop pool, Cape Royale Hotel, 24 hours after leaving Leeds

To put it frankly, we'd been stunned by the place. Our expectations were pretty high in the long run up to this trip but, in every respect, they were easily exceeded. Firstly, and perhaps most tellingly, the outbound delay (TR here) imposed on us by BAAs big-girl's-blouse reaction to the snow at Heathrow had done us the most massive of favours. The weather in Cape Town, which over Christmas had been - so we were told - cool and either foggy or windy, was simply faultless throughout our stay (assuming, like me, you relish wall-to-wall sunshine and 95º temperatures).



For the first couple of days the hotel, bars and restaurants were pretty packed, but we were reliably informed that this was nothing compared to how things had been over the Yuletide break. And, once those Capetonian types had buggered off back to work, it felt like we more-or-less had the place to ourselves (all bar the Waterfront of course, which strikes me as a place that is perma-busy - but charming nonetheless - regardless of the time of year).



While we were in Cape Town we hit just about all of the sights we'd planned to see: Table Mountain, which was staggeringly beautiful, despite the 100º heat and distinct lack of shade; a boat trip across Table Bay aboard the Spirit of Victoria, a traditional schooner, sipping pink fizz and relishing the sea breeze; driving along the breathtaking Chapmans Peak Drive, and down the peninsula for penguin viewing, ostrich encounters and the best fish restaurant in the world.




In fact, the food was so darned good throughout the Cape that each new restaurant we visited became our favourite. Our hotel in Cape Town, the Cape Royale, was one of the best we've stayed at during our travels. Elegant and luxurious, in a great location with truly outstanding service. One had to pity the poor doorman, however, who wore his full uniform of waistcoat, tails, gloves and top hat despite the tarmac-melting temperatures. It beggars belief how he survived, to be honest. It also had a cracking restaurant - 1800º - so called because of its custom-built oven which runs at this temperature, specifically designed to turn out the perfect steak. Money well spent, I would suggest, if the perfect cube of beefy heaven I experienced was anything to go by.


View from Delaire Graff Restaurant

Stellenbosch and the Winelands were equally jaw-dropping. Whilst the hotel and wine estate we stayed at - Spier - was a touch on the touristy side for our tastes, the suite we had was fantastic, complete with our own private terrace leading down to the Eerste River.




Suite at Spier Hotel

Slow, lazy days of winery trips, three hour lunches and general over-idulgence ensued. Of particular note is the Delaire Graff Restaurant, at the wine estate of the same name, which was possibly one of the best dining experiences this humble correspondent has partaken of. Four words: Slow Cooked Pork Belly - an almost religious experience.


Cured beef, gorgonzola, broad beans, red pepper, rocket. Bliss at Delaire...

Oh, and if you haven't stroked a cheetah, put it on your 'to-do' list. If you tickle their tummies they purr...


Cheetah stroking at Spier. Best approached from non-bitey end

But enough of the delights of the Western Cape; this is a V-Flyer trip report, for crying out loud! It should be about the debatable pleasures of time spent in close proximity to various strangers sharing long periods of time together in a pressurised metal tube (although I'll spout more Cape-related waffle and put some pics on my blog when I get the time).

Our hearts were heavier than usual as we packed our cases, our thoughts turning to the long trip back home, back to work and back to winter in Blighty. It's one thing coming home to the UK after - say - a summer jaunt to the Med, knowing that rain and heavy skies may greet you, but still aware that the days will be long, leaves will be on the the trees and the barbecue weather that the Met Office keep promising might just materialise. By comparison, leaving behind a glorious summer in the southern hemisphere to return to Yorkshire in January, with its dark mornings and icy windscreens, is enough to make you scream at the injustice of it all.

Still, having checked-in online for a flight the night before - and not being the types to stand around hotels screaming - we made the most of the long, last day which our late flight time (10:40 at night) provided for us. A trip to Franschhoek and another lazy lunch followed by a wonderful experience with the afore mentioned cheetahs made for a great last day. We'd kept the suite on, so were able to shower and change at our leisure before finally loading up the car and striking out for the airport at about 7ish.



Views of the Winelands mountains slowly changing colour with the setting sun were soon replaced by the sight of the townships which seem to all but surround Cape Town airport. The townships are pretty impressive to look at in their own way: huge areas of sheet metal and chipboard shanty dwellings coming up to a hundred yards are or so from the edge of the motorway. The intervening scrub, as we drove by, was occupied by bunches of young lads involved in numerous, impromptu football games. Not the sort of thing you see off the hard-shoulder of the M1, that's for sure.

We found the drop-off area for the rental car with ease (it being the same place we'd picked it up), which meant little more than a 10 minute walk to check-in. No queue for Upper, and everything handled politely and efficiently by the delightful agent who dealt with us, confirming our seats - our customary 6A/6D/7D - and providing us with directions to the 'Premiere' Lounge. Now, I'd been pre-warned that this 'ere lounge wasn't the kind of spot you were going to text a mate (let alone write home) about, so we decided to find a little something to eat before passing through security.

There seemed to be an impressive selection of eateries on the mezzanine above departures, but glancing around it all appeared to be of the fast food or glorified theme bar persuasion. Then my eye settled upon a sign which whisked me back to my 1970's childhood, to Tiswas and top loading VCRs, Sherbert Dib-Dabs and Swingball:

Wimpy.

Who'd have thought, some 6000 miles away from home in early 2011, we'd stumble across a Wimpy burger restaurant? And, unlike its bloated and proliferate spawn - McDonalds - these places really were, to all intents, restaurants. You sat down at a table, your order was taken, your food was brought to you on a plate and you could, should you choose, eat it all with a knife on fork. As I recall, as well as an array of burger options, they also offered a curled hot dog sausage in a bread bun, which appeared on the menu as a 'Big, Bendilicious Bender', or suchlike. I know, it's no wonder they died a death in the UK.

Regardless, I thought this would be the perfect chance for Tizer to experience a flavour of my formative years, so we took an airside-view-table (which was only slightly sticky) and ordered a brace of 'Wimpy Kingsize' burgers. They were, very nearly, palatable. Tizer liked the chips and the free pencil case, so not all was lost.

Security was just about deserted and although it was a bit of hike (and despite stopping off briefly for some antacids to assuage the after-effects of my WImpy) we soon found ourselves in the 'Premiere Lounge'. To call it drab would be unfair to drabness. The interiors of those hotels you find on the side of motorways are drab. This was more like a badly laid-out discount sofa store with two broken computers and a bar. Wi-fi, as well as atmosphere, were distinctly absent, replaced instead by a sprinkling of your standard, pallid-looking single business travellers and a middle-aged couple who appeared to be not talking to each other. I ordered a gin and tonic (Gordons, without the provision of either lemon or lime slice) and indulged in some colouring-in with Tizer.

Thankfully, we'd timed things well and didn't have too much to time to kill before our flight was called. Considering it was 10 o' clock at night, Tizer was doing admirably well. I think she would have struggled a great deal more if this had been our outbound flight, but the previous week or so had seen its fair share of later-than-usual nights for her, and I think her body clock had adjusted slightly to compensate. She led the way merrily down the jetway and onto the plane, barely pausing to acknowledge the waiting crew.

Aware of the late hour, we took the chance to change her into her PJs before take off, settling her into 7D which - with Mrs V on one side and a wardrobe on the other - continues to prove its worth as a great spot for a little one on the 340-600. Jackets were hung and Champers doled out before the FSM came onto the intercom to let us know were facing an 11 and a half hour trip back to 'the British winter'. Cheery sod.

Then we realised that we were, in fact, dealing with a bit of a card.

"Ladies and gentleman, here at Virgin Atlantic we strive to bring you the most attractive crew anywhere in the skies. Unfortunately, they weren't available today, so instead you'll be looked after in Economy by...". Ah, thought I; looks like we have a Comedy FSM on our hands. His banter continued after take-off:

"May I remind you that this is strictly a non-smoking flight. This includes the toilets, which are fitted with smoke detectors. Please be aware that anyone found smoking in the toilets will be invited to sit on the wing where are policy is: if you can light, you can smoke it..."

Most amusing. Drinks and dinner orders were soon being taken. I say, dinner, but by this time it was turned 11pm. Since both Mrs V and I was still experiencing the lingering taste of our earlier Wimpy experience, we decided to go for a 'light supper' option, choosing the warm 'n' gloopy offering of leek and potato soup, with the prospect of a stab at the cheese board a little later.

Tizer - who's suite we'd turned into bed mode as soon as the seat belt sign went off - was asleep, by my reckoning, marginally before her head hit the pillow. It'd been a busy old day for a 5 year old, and we were glad to see her finally make her way to the Land of Nod. How we'd have coped in Economy, I truly don't know; in fact, I'd go so far as to say that we almost certainly wouldn't tackle an overnight, 11pm departure with a young child if we couldn't do it in Upper or, at least, in a class that offered a flat bed. No amount of rough-arsed-sweet-throwing would make that a pleasant experience, and it wouldn't be fair on her, us, or our fellow passengers.

A most charming FA brought me a G&T, replete with wedge of lime. I'm not sure if she believed me when I told her how we used to purloin a lime from the Clubhouse in case there weren't any on the plane, but she agreed wholeheartedly that lime, rather than lemon, was the way to go when it came to God's Own Drink. It was nice that she took the time to indulge in a chat and joke - with other passengers, I noted, not just me - despite the fact that the cabin looked to be mostly full. It's testament to a crew member when they're able to do all the jobs that need to be done, but still have the time to appear relaxed and friendly with individual passengers. Far too often is seems the case - especially on returning night flights - that crew are rushing around as if their backsides were on fire, with barely enough time to exchange even a passing word.

Charming FA moved on to charm someone else, so I settled to a game of Trivia Challenge. Once again, no one on the plane wanted to play and although I managed to coerce Mrs V into joining in, she soon quit after getting the first two questions wrong, so I was left to battle on alone. I'm not one to brag, but by the end of the round a certain 'MDV' had found himself at the top of the high scores table. Oh yes! Sweet victory was mine! It was of great importance, I realised, that this moment be recorded so that future generations of mdvipond might know the quiz game omnificence of their forebear. And so it was that I was just taking a photo of the high scores table when Charming FA arrived with my soup. Caught in the act, I babbled on at her about my love of Trivia Challenge and tried to show her may impressive ranking (so to speak), but the screen had moved on and, although her charming smile never shifted, I think she had me down from here on as 'a bit weird'.


Who's the daddy? Well, quite clearly, me...

The soup was lovely and, for once, the garlic bread on offer was warm, bordering on hot, thanks to someone's ingenious idea of wrapping the stuff in foil before parading up and down the cabin with it. A good bit of lateral thinking, which led me to have not one but three pieces with my soup. Film of choice at this time was 'Easy A'; loosely based on 'The Scarlet Letter', it's an out-of-the-mold teen comedy about a squeaky clean, straight-A student who tells a fib about losing her virginity, then finds it terribly hard to live it down. For lovers of 'The Breakfast Club', or anything else involving John Hughes, it's a return to the kind of quality high-school-movie that graced the great decade known as 'the 80s'. Hell, it even has 'Don't You Forget About Me' on the soundtrack! This reviewer gives it - 4 stars!

Comedy FSM passed by a couple of times with wine and water, and took the time out for a little chat after I questioned the sparsity (in fact, the non-existence) of any South African wines on the menu. He agreed that it seemed odd, but pointed out quite rightly that the wines are sourced centrally by VS for all routes, and talked me into a very pleasant French white. Finishing my soup, I ordered the cheese and biscuits (well, we all knew I would, didn't we?). A nice selection of cheese, but only three biscuits, which seemed a bit mean. A quick word with Charming FA and a basket veritably brimming with biccies was presented to me.

Film over, and all of the cheese/most of the biscuits demolished, I nipped to the bar to stretch my legs and grab another glass of wine. Most of the cabin, Mrs V included, had taken to their beds, and I decided to change into my PJs and do the same. I had one last top up of wine and - because my throat had been as raw as if I'd been gargling razor blades for the last few days - I took a couple of painkillers that I'd picked up at a pharmacy in Franschhoek. To be fair, I knew they contained codeine, but I wasn't quite aware of the strength of tablets you can buy over-the-counter in South Africa. Not until I got home did I realise that these babies contain more than twice the codeine you can normally get in the UK. Combine this with a couple of G&Ts and few glasses of wine, and it's hardly surprising that the next thing I remembered was waking up some four hours later to find that not only was I being garotted by my own headphone cable, but that I also had rather damp right leg, which was worrying to say the least.

Untangling myself from the tightening grip of my Bose QC2s, I was relieved to discover that the damp leg situation was merely the result of passing out with a half a glass of water in my hand prior to hitting some pretty hefty equatorial turbulence, which made me feel an awful lot better about things. We were still bouncing around a fair old bit though; the seatbelt sign was on and there was no crew to be seen, so I bedded down again and slept fitfully or, at least, about as well as anyone on a rollercoaster could be expected to sleep.

I must have kipped for another hour or so, because I woke to the clinking of breakfast pots and the crew moving around the cabin. Mrs V was stirring, but Tizer was still out for the count, bless 'er. The toilets at the front of the cabin were free, so I made a dash to freshen up and get changed before the rush. Mrs V must have been after some brownie points, because she'd flipped my suite back to seat mode while I was gone, and Charming FA was soon at hand to check if I wanted anything for breakfast. Now, as I pointed out in the TR of the outbound leg, different time zones and flight times mean that's it's rarely actually 'breakfast time' when you're being offered breakfast. On the LHR-HKG flight, for instance, you're offered breakfast before landing, at which point it's time for a spot of dinner. Most confusing. But, time zone wise, all is as it should be coming back from CPT and so, as I was still on holiday (albeit not for very much longer), I opted for the waffles and the very largest espresso that dear, Charming FA could fit in a cup.

I glanced out of the window; dawn was breaking and it looked like we were in for a grey, January day. Deep joy. Comedy FSM had decided it was time for a bit more of his special brand of stand-up, as he bing-bonged his way onto the intercom:

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I do hope you've had a pleasant nights sleep. As we're now making our final descent into London Heathrow, this would be a good time to remind yourselves where your nearest exit is. And remember, like any good stalker, it could be behind you".

He was warming up nicely now;

"If you have a connecting flight after arrival at Heathrow, our ground staff will be available to help you. They're easy to spot - they'll be wearing Virgin uniforms, so they'll look very much like our crew today, except not as attractive".

Surely it was only a matter of time before Comedy FSM had his own TV show. At the very least, we expect a nationwide tour to be announced soon.

We were touching down at dank and dreary LHR more-or-less on schedule, but had to wait quarter of an hour or so for a free stand. Disembarkation was quick and painless, but not before we'd thanked the crew wholeheartedly for a great flight. Joking aside, Comedy FSM was clearly a very effective flight manager, and the fact that he and all the crew combined an efficient service with such a relaxed and friendly approach is credit, at least in part, to him.

The usual bonus of getting off the bus first was apparent, in that there was barely a queue at immigration. Our cases came off pretty sharpish, although the baggage hall itself looks like a run-down 1970s shopping centre at the moment. We were in Revivals within half an hour, where I was talked into a thoroughly delicious sausage sandwich (I was half through it before I remembered I'd already had waffles) and a cup or two of coffee. We 'phoned the nice people at Purple Parking, who told us our car would be waiting for us in 15 minutes. After a fond farewell to the lovely Revivals ladies, we took the lift to the rooftop parking where our car had just been delivered. Cracking service - can highly recommend it.

Then, all that was left was for us to make the four hour trek back up to God's Own County. It wasn't too bad, the vast majority of it being on the motorway (although I must have been on automatic pilot as I've no recollection whatsoever of passing Sheffield), and we were home by about 2 o' clock. We walked through the door, turned the central heating up as high as it would go, lit a fire and put a jumper or two on. And I found that if I closed my eyes, I could almost be back in Cape Town...

That's your lot for the foreseeable, I'm afraid. Apologies for taking so damn long to post - spare time has proved to be something of a rarity for me since we got back. I'll post some pics before too long. Thank you, as ever, for reading.

PRAISE BE . IT'S HERE.....

My testament to your TR was to ask the #1 to read this, and LRoM's from Ulusaba, to finally convince him to go to SA - a beautiful country.

Thank you, I think after 17 years of togetherness we might finally be able to plan to go. And about 20 years after my last trip.

I'm so glad you all had a terrific time. I was a bit hesitant about DL the Elder and I going there but we were completely overwhelmed with the place .
Spier is a bit touristy but is really rather charming ,and those cheetas really are like overgrown pussy cats when they purr .
You were well warned about the "Premier" Lounge so I'm glad that the advice was heeded (Wimpy evokes fond memories for me too).
Great weather, awesome food , fine wine, stunning scenery great flights and no time difference equates to an unforgetable holiday and splendid TR (as always).
DL

Another masterpiece to add to your book 'mdvppinds little book of TRs'


Perhaps we can have a TR from Tixer one day ("my travels and travails with an aging daddy")

Hmmmn i know which 'comedy' FSM you refer to. Believe me it's almost funny the first time you hear it but wears a bit thin when you've heard all the spiel ten times before lol!

Great TR, glad you enjoyed Cape Town it is amazing. We used to get 5 and 7 night trips there which were fab, but only 1 night now which is a shame

virginboy747 wrote:Hmmmn i know which 'comedy' FSM you refer to. Believe me it's almost funny the first time you hear it but wears a bit thin when you've heard all the spiel ten times before lol!

Great TR, glad you enjoyed Cape Town it is amazing. We used to get 5 and 7 night trips there which were fab, but only 1 night now which is a shame

Yep - I have flown with him many times - he normally says in the morning "Hope you had a good sleep now tell your friends you have slept with a Virgin !" but he is an excellent FSM and I have some of the best flights ever with him as the rest of the CC seem to work hard for him and have that lovely sense of fun about them too

great TR BTW

great TR, I also loved CT and yes Cheetah stroking is fantastic. the 2 other mates with me (one a very high ranking police officer) chickened out. me i have the photos to prove it and can still type with the one finger left :-)

Superb trip report, brings back memories of my trip to Cape Town which is a wonderful place.

AFAIK, Wimpy is a South African company.

Another stunning TR - you really must go away more often

virginboy747 wrote:Hmmmn i know which 'comedy' FSM you refer to. Believe me it's almost funny the first time you hear it but wears a bit thin when you've heard all the spiel ten times before lol!

Great TR, glad you enjoyed Cape Town it is amazing. We used to get 5 and 7 night trips there which were fab, but only 1 night now which is a shame

As always , although assume delay in typing maybe due to arthritis setting in..
It is a foodies heaven, and they do actually do some nice wines, unfortunately we have to generally make do with the crap thrown at us via UK supermarkets.
Keen to see Tizers reaction maybe worth a revisit for a 5 year old, as we dragged mini NH around at 8 weeks old..

Think we had the Comedy FSM on our return from CPT good few years back

"Can cabin crew please lash themselves to the fuselage as we are about to take our final nose dive into Heathrow"
excellent plus numerous similar quotes throughout the flight..A credit to VS

Look forward to the photo sesh over a pint or 3

NH

Simply excellent!!!

Glad to hear it was only water and an 'accident'!!!

Thanks so much!! Very much worth the wait!

Luke

Simply excellent!!!

Glad to hear it was only water and not an 'accident'!!!

Thanks so much!! Very much worth the wait!

Luke

M

Thanks for yet another cracking TR

On the subject of Wimpy - if you ever wish to re-live your experience, a Wimpy Bar is still alive and well in my local town - I can of course arrange for a reservation in their "executive" section if you so desire

The key thing about the FSM is that he was taking an interest in his job and clearly that rubbed off on the crew. Some of us may have the ability of comedy,but deep down it is about caring and if the FSM cares, then the crew will follow

I await with interest the link to the "Just Giving" account so that I may contribute to your next trip and resulting TR

Thanks once again

buns

It was well worth the wait! Again sir, you never disappoint when crafting your brilliant TRs. After the saga of getting there, I'm glad the family enjoyed the delights of SA.

If we're starting a Where's Wimpy? There's one in Cirencester, Gloucs.

Wow, fantastic trip report! You've just doubled my excitement for our up coming trip to CT in April (UC into CT, then departing JHB as no more CT flights in May). Although born in Durban, I was last in CT about 30 years ago - so shall be a trip down memory lane. Can't wait!!

Any tips for CT would be greatly appreciated, along with the name of the cheetah outing if possible?

Just think, almost a month to the Equinox - there is light at the end of this bleak, cold winter tunnel!

Thanks for the great TR

DK

Another superb TR and it just makes me want to go right now, but alas!

It is funny you mention Wimpy, during our trip home at Christmas we ventured into our local one in Ashford, not sure why, we just did. Likewise I remember from my early years the joys of the bendy sausage, but you know what, we much preferred it to McD's. A Wimpy revival is needed.

Iain

upandaway wrote:Any tips for CT would be greatly appreciated, along with the name of the cheetah outing if possible?

Cheetah Outreach

at

Spier Estate



NH

Wimpy - didn't they do something called a shanty brunch and also a brown derby????

catsilversword wrote:Wimpy - didn't they do something called a shanty brunch and also a brown derby????

I remember the brown derby, but not the other. The did do a Bender Burger too. This was actually a large sausage wrapped round on a bun!

I thought a brown derby was a hat !

Many thanks for the kind comments.

slinky09 wrote:My testament to your TR was to ask the #1 to read this, and LRoM's from Ulusaba, to finally convince him to go to SA - a beautiful country.

Thank you, I think after 17 years of togetherness we might finally be able to plan to go. And about 20 years after my last trip.

You're welcome. All I ask is that you take me along...

DL - Yes, your forewarning re. the 'Premiere' lounge saved us from having to spend too much time in the Land of Drab. Poor indeed when they don't even have a slice of something 'citrussy' for your gin.

tontybear wrote:Perhaps we can have a TR from Tixer one day ("my travels and travails with an aging daddy")

Aging?!? I'll you give you aging you young whipper-snapper!

flabound - I have to admit I was rather hoping the keeper at the cheetah sanctuary would limp toward us sporting an eye patch and perhaps a badly made prosthetic hand but, disappointingly, he seemed generally intact.

NH - the wines were so very good, and my word, aren't they cheap? Of note, Hartenberg (in particular the Chardonnay), which also did an incredibly novel al fresco lunch of cheeses and patés and such; and the wines at Delaire Graf (home to that stunning restaurant) were particularly good, especially their rosé, believe it or not. As for a return trip with a 5 year old - do it. Tizer had the time of her life, claiming (albeit temporarily) that she preferred it to Disney... And yes, must beer/photo sesh soon.

upandaway - dear old NH has been good enough to pop links to the cheetah reserve for you. As for general tips for Cape Town - where does one start? Without blethering on too much, I'd say my top tips would be: pre-book tickets for Table Mountain online and well in advance - it'll save a lot of queuing; take at least one boat trip out on Table Bay (we loved the Spirit of Victoria with the Waterfront Boat Co., but there are loads of others to choose from); and if you only visit three restaurants, make sure they're 1800º at the Cape Royale, Delaire Graff up near Stellenbosch, and the Harbour House in Kalk Bay.

As for Comedy FSM, he was a fine flight manager indeed, and the impression he made on the crew was noticeable. As for his 'routine', as virginboy points out, I can imagine that hearing it the 8th, 9th or 10th time might start to get a bit wearing...

Lovely to see that there's still a lot of love out there for Wimpy, and that there are still some surviving restaurants in the UK. I remember the brown derby, cats, (a doughnut with cream on it, wasn't it?) but have no recollection of the 'shanty brunch'. I recall an International Grill, and fondly remember the monumental Knickerbocker Glory. Oh, and lime milkshakes. Yum.

tontybear wrote:I thought a brown derby was a hat !

Brown Derby at bottom of page

northernhenry wrote:

upandaway wrote:Any tips for CT would be greatly appreciated, along with the name of the cheetah outing if possible?

Cheetah Outreach

at

Spier Estate



NH

Awesome, thanks!

Another fine TR, many thanks.

I must say I am a little disappointed that young Tizer is becoming boring in her old age. Your TR's used to be full of delights involving her.

We all remember the adventures including M&M throwing, the time she become very unwell on her much awaited trip to Disney (I still think you had something to do with that), and of course her finest hour when she covered her nose in disgust at the smell when entering Y. Now all she seems to do is get on, be good and go to sleep

Neil