V-Flyer

After reading a recent thread in respect of two Welsh people jetting off on holiday to Lanzarote and inadvertently ended up in Turkey. I thought it might be nice to tell a joke and inject some humour into the forum. I must point out that I am not insinuating that the Welsh people may be 'slower' than others. Please feel to add content to the thread!

A pupil describing in an essay his holiday in Aberystwyth, astonished and delighted his teacher by spelling the town's name correctly every time he used it.
The next day the teacher asked him to the front of the class and said
'Show the class how well you can spell. Write 'Aberystwyth' on the blackboard.'
'Please, miss, I can't any more,' he pleaded, 'I've eaten all my rock.'

[:D]

Regards
Bryan

So this Jewish guy goes to his Rabbi and says

ÒRabbi Ð you've got to help me. For 20 years I brought my son up to be a good observant Jew then he only goes and converts to Christianity! What can I do?Ó

ÒSONS! Don't talk to me about sons!Ó retorts the Rabbi. ÒFor 25 years I brought my OWN son up to be a good observant Jew then he only goes and converts to Christianity. I can't help you.Ó

ÒI knowÓ says the original petitioner Òlet's ask G-dÓ.

They both pray and a voice comes from heaven

ÒHow can I help you my children?Ó

ÒWell Lord, we both brought up our sons to be good observant Jews and they only went and converted to Christianity. What can we do?Ó

ÒSONS! Don't talk to me about sons!Ó thunders the Lord. ÒFor 30 years....Ó

So this Jewish guy goes to his Rabbi and says

Rabbi youve got to help me. For 20 years I brought my son up to be a good observant Jew then he only goes and converts to Christianity! What can I do?

SONS! Dont talk to me about sons! retorts the Rabbi. For 25 years I brought my OWN son up to be a good observant Jew then he only goes and converts to Christianity. I cant help you.

I know says the original petitioner lets ask G-d.

They both pray and a voice comes from heaven

How can I help you my children?

Well Lord, we both brought up our sons to be good observant Jews and they only went and converted to Christianity. What can we do?

SONS! Dont talk to me about sons! thunders the Lord. For 30 years....

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States , and said:
Once again, the earth has become wicked and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?
Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed.

I needed a building permit.

I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.


Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.


Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls.

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane
to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

No,' said the Lord.
'The government beat me to it.'

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States , and said:
Once again, the earth has become wicked and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?
Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed.

I needed a building permit.

I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.


Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.


Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls.

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane
to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

No,' said the Lord.
'The government beat me to it.'

Scientists in Japan are getting concerned about the way foam is being nibbled off sofas in most of the High Street furnishers.

They say it the worst case of Futon Mouse disease they have ever seen [:o)]

Scientists in Japan are getting concerned about the way foam is being nibbled off sofas in most of the High Street furnishers.

They say it the worst case of Futon Mouse disease they have ever seen [:o)]

My wife. It's hard to say what she does. She sells sea shells on the sea shoreÉ

My wife. Its hard to say what she does. She sells sea shells on the sea shore