I must be mad

Yes, you must be...but best of luck on the attempts particularly given that you

paid for a mate's 25 anniversary special trip to the US in UC

I must admit that having seen Necker on the recent fly-on-the-wall documentary, I thought it looked like the exact opposite of paradise.

That "documentary" is about an accurate a representation of the real life on Necker, as the film "Carry On Up The Khyber" is an accurate representation of the last days of the British rule of the Raj.