This is a Trip Report from the Premium Economy cabin
Ground Staff
Food & Drink
Entertainment
Seat
Cabin Crew
Before arriving at the airport, two anomalies. First, why is there a toll on the way into the City from the airport but not on the way out ? Is this a form of congestion charge ? Secondly, why is the Hancock Tower viewing platform closed because of security yet the Prudential Skywalk presumably at almost the same level has less security than our local Woolworths ? Have those in charge of Homeland Security deemed that the threat is to places that might be considered iconic ?
Though the Hilton provided a kiosk with facilities to use OLCI for many airlines including VS, my attempts to check us in were met with computer says no, so on arrival at the PE line I was crossing all fingers that at least our original seat assignment would be valid and not disturbed for operational reasons. Before we got into line, however, we were given an interrogation by a uniformed chap (TSA ? Didnt really notice) who had printed sheets with all our details printed thereon and was cross checking these against passport and tickets and asking the usual security questions; well, usual up until the point at which he asks do you have anything about your person that could be used as a weapon ?. Well, I could have answered, I have a pen and, of course, my fingers. I didnt, of course, as I did not want to undergo surgery or several hours in a room off to the side with full latex glove treatment for being a smart aleck. Oh, plus the fact Ive only just thought of this smart rejoinder. If anyone else wishes to use it, please feel free, and Ill be happy for you to claim authorship of same. Ssssnaaappp.
As to the seating assignment, I neednt have worried and were in the same row and seats (21D,F,G) as on the outbound. Again no view, but Im not as bothered this time as I need to try to get some sleep. It strikes me as slightly unusual that one of the check in crew is a gentleman with a fine Capn Birdseye beard. Good on you sir!
Had I the ability to sleep standing up, I had plenty of opportunity to do so in the next hour, whilst waiting to get through the TSA checks. Top tip; avoid being directed to the scanner on the far left. This is used by aircrew and priority passengers; the former just push their way in front of you en masse (and engage in time consuming banter with the security staff all the while) and the latter are shepherded through by airline staff. When challenged by someone who was being forced to wait to explain why, having turned up early for the flight they should be now forced to wait in line behind those who turned up late (in some instances for the same flight) the response of the airline representative was given talk to the TSA and when further challenged they began to accuse the questioner of being aggressive. I suspect that a wrong reaction from the questioner at this point could have led to some time becoming acquainted with the texture of latex; instead he simply led in revolt a group including the Other Half and the LFO who stood their ground and denied access to the latecomers until they had gone through the line.
Im also p*ssed off with them because on taking my Converse off I ripped the heel support. Please bear in mind that these are original, made in the USA, Converse I have hoarded for several years.
Once through, a quick eyeball survey to the left shows Gate 8E (our appointed departure point) to be a flat wall with no view of the aircraft with seats already being filled. whilst down to the right is a small bar selling Sam Adams on draught with several seats and a good view of the airport. Choices, choices. Whilst heading rightwards one nice touch is noted some of the seats with a view of the airport are actually rocking chairs.
Time passes as trips are made to the bookshop and duty free. During this time there are several calls for passengers to come to the Virgin desk for an important announcement. I assume these are folks to be upgraded. At one point it includes a group of 3, and that causes my heart to beat a little faster, but a quick glance at my red card reminds me that we are, quite rightly, nowhere on the ladder of status.
Eventually theres sufficient activity around the gate to prompt a move in that direction. On arrival we find that a Priority Boarding line is being set up, and when the time comes is actually used, with our being down the jetway after a few of what seem to be the masses of families with children under 12. Capn Birdseye proves a genial gatekeeper, but only after undergoing another security scrutiny by a uniformed (TSA?) official. The weight of families with children actually produces something of a scrum at the door, as there are so many buggies having to be folded and labelled, but some careful footwork ensures we miss the trip hazards. I dont see anything of the aircraft name or registration, and wary of the potential for a withering glance carrying the word anorak I do not ask.
I think one of us may possibly, just possibly, have said its ok, they are our usual seats when the cabin crew attempt to point them out. That person has a rich imaginative life, of course.
As on the way out, service of fizz and orange juice is somewhat hampered by the Economy class passengers coming through, some with what appear to be several small steamer trunks each. What happened to one piece of hand baggage ?
Pushback is on time, with announcements that the flight time will be just over 6 hours and others reminding those passengers who have chosen to ignore the seat belt signs and are still wandering the aisles that Boston has a short taxiway. I presume this is a veiled warning that its your fault if you fall on your sorry a**e because we take off before you expect us to.
There was no safety video, and V-Port took an age to be started and boot up at the seats. I think somewhere around an hour, which seems excessive when thats over 16% of the flight time and you know youll be wanting to catch some sleep.
Drinks and meals (bangers and mash, chicken, noodle stir fry) are served up efficiently and with a minimum of fuss. The OH and the LFO form the impression that at least one of the cabin crew has an attitude. I didnt sense it myself, perhaps because I was computing the correct dosage of white wine to deliver a blessed narcoleptic state whilst not potentially effecting my driving the following day. I seem to have judged it correctly, at least in respect of the first part, as I nod off after dinner. I therefore dont know whether a brandy and baileys run occurred. Nor did I myself witness the speed of light offering of duty free that apparently took place with the crew asking whether youd like to buy anything for us.
Eventually the white wine starts to wear off, and someone opening a window blind forces me back to a form of groggy consciousness. Before descent into Heathrow, a tea / coffee / snack breakfast is offered. This is the same style as the final outbound food offering, with fruit and seed bars replacing the Green and Black chocolate. Im afraid the fruit and seed bars bring my grandads budgie to mind, and just as Im wondering whether a cuttlefish bone is lurking somewhere in the basket, fruit is offered and I settle for a banana instead. The OH objects to this, commenting that grown men shouldnt eat bananas in public. I must remember to ask why she holds this opinion.
Im asked whether Id complete a survey form, and am happy to do so.
Down on the ground the practicalities of where were seated means that priority disembarkation occurs. Theres still a substantial queue for immigration, but aside from the family hauled over due to an inconsistency and one official scrutinising some peoples passports with a magnifying glass, the flow through is swift so swift I am reminded to stand in front of the lectern and not to try to walk through with a vague wave of the passport. Oops.
Priority baggage seems to have worked, I control my feelings of envy in regard of the family of the car park bus with the Upper Class tags on their bags, the white wine seems to have worn off and the M25 clockwise is good and clear. I still hate it as road, but sometimes it works, and were back home for a bacon butty in just under two hours.
There was nothing particularly bad about this flight from my perspective, save for the time taken to switch on V-Port and aside from that it did everything as advertised. Perhaps its the fact that they are trying to cram in as much service into a smaller time frame than on the outbound, with the expectation that many people will try to sleep, thus reducing the service window further. Perhaps also I was in a different mood, on the way back from a holiday, but it just wasnt the same experience as the outbound.
Paul
We can get better, because we're not dead yet
