This is a Trip Report from the Upper Class cabin
Ground Staff
Food & Drink
Entertainment
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Cabin Crew
We left the hotel early and hit the Twisted Kilt on Gloucester for lunch on the basis that the food would be less than appetising: I have fairly adventurous tastes but D is more cautious so it looked like the only option for her would be the Beef ( we new what to expect thanks to Tinks).
UC was showing as full: we had only be able to book Will out in UC and back in PE because of this, but held out some hope of their being either a no show or some non rev in UC so that we had the opportunity to purchase an upgrade at the airport.
The UC check in was deserted when we arrived and a delightful young lady with the first name initial Y and a name that rhymed with Kylie's sister's name, made the enquiry on our behalf: only PE was open so Will was consigned to the upper deck for the return. We had used OLCI but Y gave us new BCs, checked our bags, and very kindly gave Will a lounge invite too. Things were beginning to look up!!
Toddled of to security and blow me, I didn't set the archway off: when I told the female security agent that I had a pat down last year from a lady and was looking forward to one again this year she told me I had only had to ask! One delighful pat down later, and a chuckling security lady, it was time to head for the shops and the lounge.
Naturally I hadn't asked where the lounge as I assumed it would be the Air Jamaica lounge by the US and domestic gates. After we did the usual last minute shopping. Appleton 12 year old is your friend, I though I would just check the lounge location with information as I was sitting nect to the next waiting on D and Will finish raiding the tobacco shop. The VS loungs is now downstairs, immediately on your left as you go through security, called Club Manteca. It will be moving at the end of this month following a complete refurb: it looks pretty good if the little advert cards are accurate.
The shared lounge was airy, light and whilst nothing like the CH, perfectly adequate for a short wait. The staff were very helpful and friendly and kept the drinks and snacks replenished as people came and went. The concierge told us that boarding would be delayed 15 minutes, it said 1830 for a 1945 departure on the BCs ( couldn't quite figure that one out!) and re-confirmed the time at 1830.
In the knowledge that we would be boarding from the widebody stands at the far end of the pier we set off at 1835 which would give my 2 smokers the option of having a last nicotine surge before stepping on board.
When we reached Gate 17 there were several and various uniformed staff engaged in earnest discussion: a few more were doing their best to irritate the living days out of the computer, playing the, let's pretend we are busy by typing game.
1845 came and went: the digital wall clock has seconds as well as minutes. I can't for the life of me work out why as no one in Jamaica seems remotely inclined towards punctuality. 1900 came.........and went; the boarding card had the usual warning in large print that the gate closed 30 minutes before departure, but 1915 came and went while the groundstaff put out several calls for a gentleman with a unique name who steadfastly ignored their pleas to visit the desk.
Hanging around near the tensa barriers marked "Economy", there was no PE or UC lane, were several of our companions from the lounge, together with assorted other passengers. Eventually, just after 1920, the pre boarding announcement was made, special assistance passengers, families with strollers ( I couldn't take up this offer as I am more of an ambler than a stroller) and families with small children. The addition of "small" eliminated my final play: a 6ft 3inch 21 year old, whilst technically my child, hardly qualifies as small.
So we stood and watched the carnage of boarding begin: wheelchairs duly appeared as did a multitude of families with an even larger multitude of small children. Whilst they slithered there way down the jetty the invitation to UC and Gold card passengers to board was made: that was when it all went completely and irrevocably Pete Tong!
The barrier was opened and every man and his dog made straight for it: 14 seats and 450 takers. We wriggled through and made our way to the desk as the staff valiantly tried to separate the wheelchair passengers from the walking Y.
No sooner had we walked on to the top the jetty than we were stopped by "security"; an extra from Bad Boys wanted to check my duty free purchase in it's sealed box. No problem.
He unfolded one tiny corner, peered into the box and then, in a flash of inspiration, decided that he needed to check my hand baggage. In the meantime, Bad Boy 2 decided that as D had stopped beside me her bag was ripe for a seearch too. My bag is a Krewe Bag: it is a fairly large tote that fits exactly into the hand baggage cradle and has 7 zipped pockets. He opened the largest of the 7 and took out my camera bag, opened it enough to see it was a camera and returned the bag! WTF? If you plan to stop the premium passengers do the properly and search their bags: he didn't even look at my kilt carrier!
When I was released by BB I was then collared for a further pat down search! Talk about a complete waste of time: if you are going to do it, do it properly. So having searched close on 15% of the UC pax would the same percentage of the entire airplane be searched? That amounts to close on 68 passengers, at 1 minute per search that delays the flight by over an hour!
While I was being felt up, Bad Boy 2 then mananged to break the strap on D's designer bag: all the good done by Y and the concierge had gone out of the window.
We finally got in the queue of Y and W pax on the jetty while more wheelchair pax went past us, in both directions. After a round a 10 minute wait we got to the door, turned left and wriggled through the filling PE cabin to our seats.
The overheads were already full as 6 and 7 had sneaked onboard past the Bad Boys and filled them: we managed to stow or bags and were offered a glass of champagne. The CC came round offering sleep suits, D took one but I declined. She put the top on over her blouse immediately as the cabin was really cold. Because the 35 wheelchair pax had delayed the boarding process a CC came round and took drink and meal orders and asked about wake up calls for breakfast.
I choose the soup and the beef, D elected for the chicken salad and the beef. Finally we pushed back around 45 minutes late with a flight time of 8 hours exactly.
As on the outbound the CC were superb: the IFE was not playing according to Mr Hoyle's rules and had to be re-booted. I couldn't get any sound after the reboot and D's headset was working single channel only. I was given a new headset that worked and I swapped it for D's deficient one.
Dinner duly arrived and my Leek soup was good: D wasn't that impressed with the salad but ces't la vie.
The beef bourgignon arrived: I had more carrots than beef. 3 small cubes to exact: maybe it should be renamed "A trio of beef in a bourgignon sauce". I demurred on the dessert and settled for the cheese, declining the offer of a glass of port as I still had a full glass of rioja. The cheese service hadn't improved since the outbound, but I wasn't holding out for that. Has anyone told VS that Austrian wine doesn't travel? Their sommelier certainly has an eclectic taste!
After dinner, cunning plan was executed: I folded D's bed down, laid the sheet and then a duvet on the "bed" to act as padding. D then had a second duvet to cover herself as the cbain remained chilly in spite of comments about it. I tried the same thing on my side but only had 1 duvet so had to give that up as I was cold.
Sleep was hard to come by as we were in moderate turbulence for close on 4 hours: the Captain or cruise pilot was a ballsy guy as he left the seatbelt sign off for long periods.
Breakfast was late, due to the turbulence, and by the time my turn came to order I knew that fruit and yoghourt wasn't available as the single pot of yog had been used up: the lady in 7A had asked and been denied, so I settled for what is tagged as a bacon roll.
A more accurate description would be a warm, dry bread roll with 3 pieces of dry salty bacon, but it is served with the choice of brown or tomato sauce
Just a shame they don't have the foresight to load 2 tubs of yog as well as 2 sauces.We arrived 15 early, and disembarked to the moaning of the ground staff: 35 wheelchairs???????
Finally, the ultimate twist in the VS UC tale: 35 minute wait for our bags while everyone else picked up theirs and headed off to immigration. Maybe the VS handling at LGW were working on the basis that immigration and customs would be busy so kept back our luggage to avoid us having to wait in line.
So, would I do it again? MHAW HAH HAH.
Anyone want 40,000 FC miles?
