This is a Trip Report from the Upper Class cabin
Ground Staff
Food & Drink
Entertainment
Seat
Cabin Crew
Checkin was frankly the worst we've seen it in a long time. With no security and no red carpet but 4 or 5 open desks and no funnelling tensa strips it's pretty much a free for all. We tried the 'hovering in the middle' technique only to have other non-Brits form queues behind their favoured check in desk. Exasperated we followed suit - splitting into two of course - if you can't beat them, join them.
Once checked in to our pre-chosen seats Mrs D disappeared for her final smoke and I made my way up to the private security channel. It must be really boring for the peeps there as they're always just standing around talking amongst themselves. Processed quickly (took my boots off for XRaying as they have a metal piece in them) and started off into the main terminal. Security tried to shepherd me into the shoe scanning but I pointed out the VS stamp on the back of the boarding pass and he waved me round.
Currency was collected and thence to the Club House where Mrs D was already ensconced with LRoM and LSoM. We decided to eat quickly and Mrs D grabbed a table whilst I dropped our boots off for cleaning. Mrs D and LRoM opted for the full English but I just went for a couple of Eggs Benedict (yummm). LSoM was off having her hair done. Mrs D and I had failed to get treatments, leaving it too late to book. Meal complete we went and took up residency in the Sky Lounge where we watched curious people wander up to the roof garden, open the door and nearly be swept away by the high winds. There'd then follow an amusing set of attempts to wrest the door closed again. The sun was streaming in through the windows and the Sky Lounge was bathed in radiant light. It was thoroughly uplifting tho' there was no sign of its previous Spice Girl occupant.
LRoM left to have his tousled locks tamed and LSoM returned. Ere long we were joined by fellow V-Flyer DavidM who proceeded to amuse us with his ability to fall backwards AND side ways off the lounge chairs. In fairness he wasn't the first - Mrs D had led the way on that. We chatted amiably for a while but all too soon we had to take our leave of him and wander down to the gate.
Surprisingly (*cough*) there was no priority boarding signage but we walked to the front of the queue and found a separate checker who welcomed us through. We took up our adjacent seats along the back left of the aircraft facing the wall and whilst we settled in we watched our fellow pax and undertook our usual rituals. When the IFBT approached both LSoM and myself flashed priority cards leading a stricken LRoM to speculate that he was SOL on the likelihood of a massage front. Eschewing the customary hot hands I succumbed to the the temptation of a massage safe in the knowledge that the priority card would ensure it happened.
Mrs D asked for a sleep suit from a passing member of staff who explained that they'd be distributed shortly. When they were I followed a leaving member of ground staff into the toilet and was not pleased to have to mop up some floor sprinkles before being able to change. As staff moved around it became apparent that we had two IFBTs on board today - a little strange.
Shortly after take off drink orders were taken and LSoM was pulled away for her treatment. We got chatting to the FSM who was one of the original first Newark flight personnel. She's part time now - this trip the CSS was working up under her supervision. She'd never heard of V-Fyer and was fascinated by it conceptually. Just before meal orders were taken I was whisked away for my own treatment and had a very thorough massage from a fairly new IFBT who explained that this was her six month assessment - hence the Beauty Therapist Supervisor (BTS) who was on board to assess her. Judging by my experience she'll have passed with flying colours.
Returning to my seat I was asked what I'd like to eat as I'd missed the order taking. I opted for the Chicken Kung Pao. Regretfully this was all gone so I decided to try the 'As a Gold Member don't I get first choice?' realising that this was slightly unfair as I'd missed the order taking (it also smacks a little of 'don't you know who I am' so makes me a little uncomfortable). There followed some whispering in the Galley from which I was able to ascertain that they were debating the logistics of splitting three food orders into four to accommodate me. This seemed admirably lateral but unfair on other pax so I approached and made it clear I'd change my order to the butterfly chicken. Regretfully this was all gone too. So I opted for the Sumatran Salmon. Whilst it is no excuse there wasn't a spare seat in J W or Y.
Menu was as follows :-
Dinner
Starters
Warm asparagus wrapped in Italian coppa ham with Dijon hollandaise sauce and seasonal leaves
Soup of the day - watercress
Prawn and sesame seed balls (deemed not very nice by Mrs D)
Main Courses
Char grilled butterfly chicken with warm new potato salad, gazpacho salsa and wilted spinach
Sumatran salmon and tiger prawn curry with fragrant rice and pok choi
Lemon, spinach and ricotto cappelletti with sage butter, pine nuts rocket and parmesan
Chicken kung pao with jasmine rice, salted peanuts, pak choi and carrots (judged practically inedible by both Mrs D and LSoM - very overcooked)
Cheese
Cashel Blue
Quickes Red Leicester
Cornish Camembert
(judged cheese by myself - hard to cock up)
Dessert
Pain au chocolat bread and butter pudding
Raspberry ripple ice cream (judged cheap and nasty by Mrs D)
Smaller Bites
Pastrami and Dill sesame mini bagel and cream cheese, chive and cucumber poppy seed mini bagel
Bacon Roll
Greek Salad with cocktail pitta breads.
Breakfast as usual
The food when it arrived was universally declared dire. My asparagus starter was three of the thinnest asparagus shoots I have ever seen wrapped in ham and overcooked to the level where you could have eaten it with a straw. The main was on a bed of glutinous rice and was itself dry and overcooked. The same went for all the other meals eaten by our crowd - shame really as the menu reads really well.
Later we had the opportunity to spend a deal of time with the BTS who has a great deal of VS experience and was able to offer a number of insights into why things were the way they were (greet by name and welcome back? What if they're flying for the first time on a complimentary gold card? At best you'd confuse them, at worst you'd confuse them AND look stupid to boot). Whilst I didn't always agree with her she defended her position robustly so the conversation was fun. It did however prompt one of my favourite sound bites of the flight 'as I was saying to Richard on Necker a few weeks ago'. We also chatted at length to the FSM and made our view of the food well known. One of the SCCs who kept us company at the bar provided an interesting perspective from the view of someone who has been in post for over a decade.
Throughout it has to be said that all crew (national and UK based) provided exemplary service if a little reactive rather than proactive. As a small example of this, after take off the in seat power was not turned on for around 30 minutes - and this only 10-15 minutes after it was requested. In addition the 'remove battery' rule was rigidly enforced for the first time in my experience. Well the first and last as I no longer have a battery. Being unused to removing it I left it in the seat back pocket
.One small speculation that arose on the flight was the behaviour of celebs both on board and on the ground. The commandeering of the Sky Lounge by the ex Spice, the commandeering of the Children's play area by the ex Wife (as we learnt later) the bad behaviour in the air by the ex spouse of famous dead pop star etc etc. Why do some celebs behave demurely and others demand attention above and beyond?
Later in the flight I opened the toilet door to find the ginnel down the left side of the toilet flooded. I shrieked and flung lots of paper towels at it. Shortly thereafter a member of crew in an apron appeared and cleaned up. The rest of the flight was uneventful - LRoM and I propped the bar and gassed while the ladies slept (although comments were subsequently made about laughter drifting over from the bar). As landing approached it did indeed look that LRoM was going to remain un-IFBTed but at the last moment she came and collected him for her final treatment of the flight. Landing was without incident (unlike on the following China Eastern flight) and immigration was painless.
All in all around a B to a B plus. The FSM was certainly competent and the crew's attitude was positive. Again the experience of a good FSM shows to be worth its weight in gold.
