This is a Trip Report from the Upper Class cabin
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Now, I wasn’t on the true inaugural Boston flight. Well at least I wasn’t on the ‘official’ one:
Not many people know this but VS ran a test run of that flight in the very early hours of the morning of the 28th October. It was top secret. And I was one of the lucky ones to be on board. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting everything to run smoothly as this was just a ‘full dress rehearsal’ for the next day. So, dear sceptics, here is my TR – a definitive, honest review of the Virgin 787-9 epxerience. I shall allow you to judge for yourselves the level of innovation:
With the flight (code VS11TS (‘TS’ for ‘top secret’)) departing at 0:01, I wanted to max my time in the Clubhouse so arranged for a pick up at 20:30 the previous evening.
Bang on time, the solid gold chariot (subtly engraved with '787' on the side) arrived at my door. My driver, Ben, was polite and courteous. The twelve white stallions (each decorated with a ginger plume) pulling us along made short work of the thirty miles of M23 and the subsequent forty miles of M25 reaching DTCI in less than 15 minutes from my home in Brighton.
As a 787 passenger, all non-Dreamliner PAX were cleared from my view and I was immediately hoisted into a rather comfortable sedan chair and carried through security aloft the shoulders of various members of VS’s top brass. All told, from chariot to Clubhouse took a little under six minutes. I thought that was quite reasonable but hope they work to speed this up in the future.
After I’d booked in for my complimentary 787 full body massage, facelift, tummy tuck and ‘Dreamliner back sack & crack’, I settled down to test out the new 30 course taster menu. To be honest, it was a little average but having seen how much work the chef (a French chap called Raymond) put into it, I didn’t wish to complain too loudly and hurt his feelings. And he did look pretty pleased with himself. What’s more, the non-787 pax were looking on with some envy as whilst they were drinking Red Heads, I had a real redhead busting some very sensual moves on the newly installed ‘Upper Class Dreamliner pole’…
After dinner, I was called to the Spa for my treatments. Shortly after that, 16 Vestal Virgins (all immaculately turned out in the new VS uniform) personally escorted the new smooth, younger looking, svelte me to the gate.
Thus far my feelings towards the ‘Dreamliner Experience’ were a little mixed so it was with some apprehension that I boarded ‘Birthday Girl’.
Greeted by name and with a warm embrace from Craig Kreeger who, after showing me to my suite, carried out the obligatory shoe shine. (Later, I did notice a slight smear on the left heel so marks off for that).
Offered a pre-flight drink and opted for the sparkling unicorn tears. A little too sweet for my liking but that didn’t stop me from enjoying a refill!
Personally, I like the usual style of VS’s boarding music – classical seems a bit ‘BA’ to me. However, Nigel Kennedy and his string quartet made a reasonable fist of the first two movements from Vivaldi’s ‘Spring’ even if the cellist was slightly off key. I know VS have been wanting to introduce this for some time but it’s only now with the increased cabin height of the 787 that the acoustics have been right. Find a better cellist (this Julian Lloyd Webber is not up to snuff) and I might be persuaded that it’s a good thing. Until then, I’d sooner go back to the piped rock and pop.
With the musicians safely disembarked, a troupe of Hollywood ‘A listers’ came on board to act out the safety demonstration. I won’t name names but if you’ve seen Ocean’s 11, 12 or 13 you’ve got the gist. One actress (for the sake of discretion, I shall just use her initials: JR) did mumble a few of her lines. But no matter, it was time to go.
The jewel encrusted atomic clock above the bar showed a precisely on-time push back and we taxied smoothly to the runway. Just as we were making our final turn, I peered out of the oversized window; To the left of the aircraft and bathed in the bright airfield lights, was a totally naked SRB who was there to personally wave us off. Quite what the young man in the Delta uniform standing behind SRB was doing, I don’t know. And I don’t want to know…
Incidentally, SRB will now be based at Heathrow six days a week to personally wave off each departing 787 and the old Grey Goose Loft is slowly being converted into his living accommodation.
And so, we had lift off. Wow this thing is quiet! Even above the noise of the engines at max thrust, I could actually hear every note of the harp the CC was gently playing to me. Very impressive.
I then had my first real experience of one of those ‘Do You Know Who I am?’ sorts. Again, I won’t name names but…
…it was the FSM who was telling the neighbouring PAX about the MBE she’d been awarded.
Apparently, by 2016 all Dreamliner CC will be expected to have a gong of some sort and even by the time the 787 starts the JFK route, FSMs will have to have a minimum of a CBE. This is actually been something that VS has been working towards since the company’s founder (clearly leading by example) was awarded a Knight Bachelor back in 1999.
Dinner orders were taken and I went for the Caviar (“laid by the lithest Caribbean mermaids” – or so the guff in the menu said) followed by the hand-reared fillet of Kobe Minotaur stuffed with Phoenix Frois Gras and served on a bed of pickled hen's teeth. (The other main course options were chicken or pasta). The caviar was actually very good. The fillet was somewhat overcooked but no more so than the (mere) beef served on the legacy 747/330/340 fleet.
I opted to forgo pudding and went for the cheese board. All the cheeses were collected that very morning from the moon by Virgin Galactic (a venture that seems to have had more success than the Virgin PR machine lets on).
After dinner, I sat at the bar for a while (as it was easier for the CC to wash my feet there) and I enjoyed a snifter of each of the 200 single malts and bourbons on offer. Returning to my seat which, as requested, had now been converted into its four-poster, superking bed mode it was time for some shut eye. The bed was quite comfy but the swan down duvet was a little coarse – a star deducted for the seat there I’m afraid.
The new amenity kit is a small improvement and I shall certainly make use of the complimentary Tag Heuer watch which I thought was nicely styled even if the ruby encrusted face was a little 'premiership footballer'.
I awoke shortly before we started our decent to the strains of the ‘Virgin All Star Landing Band’ who'd set up their amps in the aisle between seats 9g and 11k. With Jack Bruce on bass, Richard Wright on keyboards and Jimi Hendrix on guitar, SRB’s new ‘Virgin Resurrection’ venture seemes to be going well.
However, why oh why dear V-Flyers did they insist on putting Wacko Jacko on vocals??? I’d have even preferred the whining John Lennon to that! Of course, whilst the rest of the IFE is great, I’m sure you understand why I cannot give more than three stars for 'entertainment' as a result.
Before landing, I nipped to the lavatory to allow the CC to help me out of my pure silk VS 787 sleep suit and dress me in my civvies again. The restrooms are massive but I do think the musical toilet paper holder is a touch OTT (although the solid gold loo nicely offsets the platinum taps). The bidet was also a neat touch and very powerful. However, it absolutely should not be used during turbulence. I speak, dear V-Flyers, from bitter,bitter experience…
Priority disembarkation was in place and UC pax were carried off the plane first to enjoy their awaiting hangovers.
All-in-all, I thought the VS Dreamliner experience was pretty good but they do need to try harder in certain areas. As usual, the superb Cabin Crew made up for the shortfalls such as the hit and miss food and drink and the rather lacklustre entertainment. And I do wonder how many of the service 'enhancements' I've outlined here made it to proper VS11 later that day?
Finally, I do apologise for not including any photos: I’d left my camera battery at home. The CC did offer me the use of some spare Boeing-branded lithium-ions that were laying around but these were too big for my little Panasonic Lumix and they felt rather warm too...
Last edited by LetThereBeFlight on 30 Oct 2014, 17:04, edited 1 time in total.
