This is a Trip Report from the Upper Class cabin
Ground Staff
Food & Drink
Entertainment
Seat
Cabin Crew
Once in the building and approaching the UC check-in area I realised it was jointed and that a staff member was sending a passenger up to the DTCI area. As she re-packed her things on to her trolley, she bleated “But where do I go and how do I get my things up there?” and I itched to volunteer to take her place or escort her - anything to get away from the mayhem that was the UC check-in area. Still, thinks I to myself happily, the staff’ll be back down in a minute and perhaps she’ll send me up as well. Ha! It was as if she had been swallowed up by the nearby lift and I waited as the three check-in agents were painfully slow in dealing with their passengers. Granted they were checking in three large parties but I just wanted to get upstairs and settled in (and if the truth be told, go to the Ladies)
While I waited I became aware that there was a large number of armed police in and around the VS area and at least two sniffer dogs were working. Of course there were some muppets calling them “Here doggie, nice doggie!” Didn’t they realise that if the dogs responded and came up wagging their tails these same people would be hearing the snap of the latex glove!! 
After a while the staff member came down from the DTCI area and stood behind the waiting UC passengers many of whom had gathered behind me. She gazed to the right and gazed to the left but the area in front of her was empty as far as she was concerned.
From time to time I threw beseeching glances in her direction - you know the ones; the ones that say “Pick me! Pick me” when schoolkids are choosing sides and you look as if you could be the last man standing but she was impervious as far as that was concerned. 
Finally the middle desk became vacant and I moved to step forward but the check-in agent put up her hand to stop me, picked up the phone and made a call. By that time I was hopping - for two reasons, one because of the delay and the second because of the aforementioned need to visit the Ladies! Fortunately the call ended and I was called forward. She apologised nicely and we commented on how busy it was and I gave a very tiny dig about yer woman minding the lines saying I had hoped I would have been sent up to the Drive-thru check-in area given how busy it was. She too expressed surprise and handed me my boarding card which I noticed wasn’t the customary purple. She told me that they had come in about a fortnight ago and that they were the same throughout all the classes. I noticed that my FC number wasn’t on it but she confirmed that the number was in the system. Although once I got to the desk I really could not fault the check-in lady, I do have to mark down the check-in experience because of the attitude and lack of attention of the staff member patrolling the lines. 
I made my way to the lift and once outside the Security channel door I was nearly knocked over by a couple coming from the main area who swept past me and into the security area. Incidentally the door was wide open and seemed to be held back to the extent that I even looked to see if it was still there and to be honest, I can’t answer the question. The couple obviously new to UC, kept on going straight in spite of signs pointing to the right so while they proceeded onwards I scooted to the right and got in the channel before they could be re-directed.
My triumph was short-lived. In the security area was the largest crowd I have ever seen there since it opened! Private channel? The main ones were quieter! 
I confidently put my bag and other accoutrements on the various trays. After all, I’m a dab hand at this security lark; laptop out of case and into tray, carry-on bag on to belt, handbag and stuff from pockets (if anything) on to another tray along with belt and jacket where appropriate. 
I had already done this earlier this morning and although my shoes had had to be x-rayed and I had to have a pat down - well it happens! So, after checking whether or not I needed to remove my shoes (no) I trotted through the arch and it beeped. OK, shoes off and through the x-ray, arms out, after all I’m an old pro at this security lark. The shoes came through and then my handbag and laptop but where was my carry-on? Suddenly I noticed it had been put to one side but what was worse was the crowds were coming through at full steam and there was no-one to ask about it as the security crowd were working flat out. Finally one called over that she would be with me in a minute but that she needed to check the bag as there were bottles in it. I protested that there weren’t then all of a sudden a shed load of pennies dropped!! 
It has been my wont to bring over to one of my hosts a bottle of Baileys purchased in Cork as well as a pack of miniature Baileys. The previous night I had packed the bottle in my suitcase but being ever so slightly tired and emotional had decided to pack the miniatures the next morning, dropped them in my carry-on and had promptly forgotten about them. They had escaped scrutiny in Amsterdam (boy, do I feel safe!) but had been picked up by the scanner at LHR. Oh, the shame! The humiliation! I, who roll my eyes heavenwards whenever someone doesn’t know the liquids’ rule, had been caught with my pants down (and if they didn’t hurry up I would be caught with more than my pants down! I neeeeeeded the Ladies!!) Eventually the rush ended and a security guy came over and leisurely emptied my handbag, perused the items with care, swabbed the said handbag before turning to my carry-on. One by one the items were gently removed, perused, examined, swabbed and where necessary commented on. Eventually the offending items were removed and I prepared to bid them farewell, but no, he examined them gently turning them over from right to left and then putting them in a plastic bag put them through the X-ray having given me a long lecture about liquids in carry-on bags. Oh, the shame! After all I’m an expert at this security lark......NOT!! 
The bag got swabbed once more and to the security guy’s eternal delight he found a fridge magnet from my recent trip to Paris (I wondered where it had got to) and being French decided to have a conversation with me about that city! While this was going on I was in a quandary. I still needed the Ladies (boy, did I need the Ladies) but I’ve watched programs like Airport and Border Patrol and I didn’t dare ask to be allowed to go or hop up and down in case they thought I was acting suspiciously and the most I could do was pray that I didn’t break out into a sweat and start to look guilty! Finally I was allowed to re-pack my bag. Re-pack? Huh! Everything was tossed in with little care for its safety or protection as I shot out of the area and hi-tailed it as fast as I could through the duty-free area and to the Clubhouse where, as luck would have it someone was being checked in and having declared himself to be a newbie was being given the tour. Eventually I was admitted and............... aaaaaaah! Such sweet relief! I had finally arrived in the Clubhouse an hour and 15 minutes after leaving T5 My second port of call was to the Spa area where I was given an appointment for a facial. To be honest I had decided to treat myself but by that time I was in no fit state to make a decision and so just went for the easy option. That settled, breakfast was on the agenda and I chose the Gardeners Breakfast which on this occasion was somewhat disappointing as the mushroom, which is normally the same circumference as the muffin was a tad small and the tomato rather thick so that the whole meal tasted too tomato-ey! Oh dear, such negativity! Was it going to end? Yes dear reader it was.
Once brekkie was over I decamped in the Gallery behind the bar and, after scrambling into one of the hanging chairs, I ordered a glass of champagne which was delivered promptly. Throughout my stay there were continual offers to refill my glass but the reality was that the ghastly breakfast on BA was beginning to repeat on me and I spent most of the time delicately burping!
At one stage a lady came up to me to talk to me about Flying Club. Dragon Lady had mentioned this in a recent TR but it was not the same lady and there are about 5 of them who undertake this task in the CH. We had a very nice chat (punctuated by little “Oops, excuse me”s from me) before it was time for me to head off for my treatment.Feeling duly refreshed (but still burping delicately) I reviewed my options. My initial plan had been to arrive in the CH, have breakfast and nearer boarding time have something to eat as I wasn’t exactly enamoured of the menu. I was still inclined to feel a bit nauseous
if the truth be told and I toyed with the idea of sleeping once on board and eating later. I did begin to feel slightly better as time progressed and decided I would play it by ear. I as really cross with myself for eating that d*mn BA breakfast as I had felt perfectly fine first thing and had looked forward to it with relish at the time. Eventually it was time to board and I left the CH at the first call and if the truth be told I was somewhat bored - well I wasn’t able to enjoy it to its full capacity but that was no fault of the CH or its staff who could not be faulted. I made my way to gate 20 (I think it was) where G-VFAB was waiting for me. She had been my chariot for the last few trips I had made and so it was like greeting an old friend. There was a long line waiting to go into the gate area but, following the instructions from the CH I went past it and at the entrance to the gate area there was a separate desk for UC. I was able to access it easily even though I had to cut through the main line by the simple expedient of following a couple of wheelchairs passengers who were being ushered through. They were quickly processed and taken through to board and I was welcomed and invited to go straight on to the aircraft through (I think) door B. Yay! They were boarding through 2 doors and so it was straight on to the aircraft for me. Priority boarding worked!
I was welcomed on board by a man whom I thought to be the FSM as he was wearing a grey shirt but it turned out he was the CSS for Upper Class. I was directed to my seat 15K in zone A where there was one other person already seated. There was no crew there at first but soon a lady appeared with a tray of drinks and soon I was in possession of a glass of champagne and at my request, a sleep suit. Shortly after I had settled things to my liking I sat back ready to watch the rows 12/14 pantomime as the passengers searched for their overhead bins.
Alas, the couple in 12A/K were either old pros at the game or had been told by the cabin crew when directed to their seats, so no fun there. My hopes rose when the lady in 14A started looking around confusedly, but no! She was having a blonde moment as she couldn’t understand why 14A followed 12A in the seat numbers but once she realised that there was no row 13 the cabin crew had helped her stow her bags. There was a lot of teasing in the cabin and a light-hearted atmosphere ensued. It was Men’s Semi-Finals day at Wimbledon and someone expressed the hope that we would get some feed-back en route. That led to a major discussion as people who hadn’t caught up with recent results were up-dated, details of matches recounted and it was simply a very pleasant interlude. 
The CSS was approached with a request to the captain to see if we could be updated and he promised to see what he could do. Finally the doors were closed and we pushed back more or less on time.Once in the air I perused the magazine to see what films were on but alas, although it was July 1, the June magazine was still in place so I had to wait until V-Port was switched on, which in fairness was soon after take-off. The iMap went on first to see which way we went over Ireland but in truth it was so cloudy that we would have had to fly so low to see any place where I had lived that we would have buzzed the houses! I don’t think a 747 flying that low would have been appreciated.
Once satisfied that I wouldn’t see anything I turned my attention to the films and to my delight The King’s Speech was still showing. My V-Port was a tad unresponsive when I wanted it to pause or rewind. I don’t know if it is the system generally or whether it was my particular set but in any case it didn’t spoil my enjoyment of the film.While I was sorting out V-Port, the first drinks run was undertaken and soon I was in possession of a Bombay Sapphire and tonic and some slightly greasy crisps, which might have been better not eaten given that BA’s brekkie was still making its presence felt.
I was offered a second one and as I always say, it is bad manners to refuse. In the meantime meal orders were taken. I wasn’t exactly enamoured of the current UC menu so I requested two starters, the tart and the risotto to be served in that order. The cabin crew looking after me suggested that if there was enough servings of risotto left, she would serve a main course helping to which I gratefully acquiesced. There was and it was a very happy honey lamb who ate her meal with relish, hopefully removing the awful memory of that ghastly BA breakfast.Once the meal was over I decided to get some sleep as I had been up since 5am to make my connection from AMS and so the suite was converted by the cabin crew. By that stage an announcement had been made that Andy Murray had lost his match. The crew converting my suite was Scottish and I remarked with apologies to the crew that I didn’t like Murray and called him, I think my words were “a morose bugger”. He laughed and whispered that actually he agreed with me. Phew! No breaking down of international relations then. I managed to sleep but somewhere over the Hudson Bay we encountered extreme turbulence which woke me and I found it difficult to get back to sleep again. I tried to access the relaxation audio on the IFE but no dice. I couldn’t get it to work and what was more the turbulence had woken up the BA breakfast.
Somewhere over Saskatchewan I gave up the ghost, converted my suite back, read for a little and then started to watch Tangled. Afternoon tea was served but the BA breakfast was still demanding attention and so I only was able to eat two of the sandwiches and no cakes or any other goodies on offer. I was so disappointed although the cup of tea was itself a welcome comfort. All too soon we began our descent into San Francisco and I mentally cursed myself for not being on the A side as that’s where the best views are. We arrived about 15 minutes late and somehow I managed to be second off the plane and as the first person went to the US citizens line was the first into Immigration which, until the arrival of our flight was empty. However I still had to wait for the Immigration officer to boot up his computer - after all, he had only had 10 hours notice that we were coming! Once through there was a long wait for our bags which is unusual for SFO. I had done a quick trip to the restrooms and usually the first bags are coming through but it was a good 10-15 minutes before there was any movement and then it was PE and economy bags that came off first. The second bin had the UC bags so all was not lost and having skipped through customs I was soon at the Hotel Shuttle stop where the first bus was the one for the Hilton SFO where I was staying the night to await for my friend from Calgary later that night before heading off the next day to the delights of Northern California and the majestic redwoods.
Overall, it was a good flight. Perhaps not the best flight I have had but in all honesty it was not the fault of the cabin crew who were excellent and worked their socks off. I blame BA! Well why not?
