This is a Trip Report from the Premium Economy cabin
Ground Staff
Food & Drink
Entertainment
Seat
Cabin Crew
Drove the rental car back to AutoPilot Way which is where the car rental depots are (and given the silly taxi fares from the city, it is worth hiring a car for a few days whilst in DC). Quick transfer on the car rental shuttle bus dropped us off outside Terminal 2.
Now one of my trusty companion of many years, the black mid size Samsonite decided it wanted to behave like your typical travelling child. Like a stubborn little f*cker basically, it decided it was going to drag its heels and screech. So being a responsible parent I shouted at the damn thing and have threatened it with change. To no avail, oh well it was time to get a new mid sized suitcase.
So after contending with the pseudo-ankle biter we were at the check-in area, and for once security had an IQ in excess of Forrest Gump. Shame that the good start was going to be marred. We started to check-in at Upper, and found that we had actually located one of the people that answers the phone in offshore call centres. Yes you know the sort, the one that has English as a 4th or 5th language. The simple command of Can we have 18A and C please was too much of a flummox for them, so a supervisor had to be called to translate. He was asked what plane we were on, and to help him along we gave him the selection of correct options, and he stated we were on an A346. Shame he was wrong.
It was at this point I noticed the member of staff that had appeared behind us and had decided he was going to stick the hideous Accepted for cabin baggage sticker on our hand luggage without even asking. Lady Sarah decided to give him the look and lectured about Gold and Premium/Upper passengers not having the tags. I then noticed he had already managed to fix it to my leather laptop bag so ripped it off in disgust. If Virgin want to waste money printing these tags, and employing a mute person at each airport to affix them, then thats a waste in my book, but it does rely on the ground staff being able to notice a bag that doesnt have the tag on, and also means they need to have the smarts to remove any legacy tags. Given the blotchy record of getting Priority boarding right, I think maybe they should shelve the plans for the near future. Or perhaps just get alert people to watch the bags as people board without the need to resort to stickers. Now talking of legacy stickers, I nearly fainted when the 3rd person at check-in decided to get a pair of scissor to try and cut my Upper Class tag off our hold luggage. I pointed out that I was Gold, and the bag should be loaded in the J bin and requested that they attach the new style Upper tag seen as my previous one had been ripped off on the last outing. Anyway, I digress; we were given 18AC and then made our way over to security.
Fortunately security was pretty quiet for Dulles, and there were no more than 5 people in front of us. In true US anal style, laptops out, belts off, shoes off etc. I did try to go through with shoes and belt on to prove a point, but Hitler was having none of it so it was back to take the shoes and belt off. The woman in front of me caused some delay given her lack of intellect in understanding the grunted commands and hand signals from the staff. Maybe it was her 4000 metal bracelets she was wearing that she refused to take off; Now I do know a thing or two about style, but that many bracelets if just plain silly there must have been half a foot of them in sequence up her arm. I can count the number of stylish Americans on one hand, and my hand was firmly in my pocket.
With that it was time to trail over to Zone B gate area. Now do we take the carpet bus, or walk through the tunnel. The tunnel wins, though it was remarkably quiet and there was a quaint feature in that none of the people that opted for the tunnel were actually clinically obese, fancy that.
Up the escalator at the end, and a turn left brought us to the entrance of the Washington Clubhouse. Quick and efficient check-in at the Clubhouse, with a friendly Welcome back tone. The Clubhouse has had a quick makeover/tart-up in the form of some new furniture; Now at times I wish they would go for the sensible option, but I would guess some interior design consultant has been paid some silly amount of money, and has gone for a very arty look about the interior. They were stylish, but I dont think the durability will be there for long. The exception being the Herman Miller Aeron chairs in the business area that are the best of the best when it comes to Office chairs. It is all shades of white and green, and can be offensive to some. The lounge was pretty rammed when we arrived, and we had got there a good 3 hours or so before the flight, and this is due to sharing of the facility they do with South African Airways and Lufthansa. Maybe the South Africans and Germans like the new design, I personally found it was trying too hard to be stylish. Anyway the colour of the furniture and walls isnt what defines a lounge, it is the service that is the defining feature (just like Upper then). On a very positive note, the service is as I had last experienced it, rather good. Polite people, quick to take food/drink orders and checking to see if passengers were okay. The menu is a tad light on selection, but then that is expected as all menus in Clubhouses and in Upper have been on a diet in recent years. I had the Turkey Flying Club sandwich, which came with crisps which was well presented and filling. Now given my bland tastes, I would have expected the crisps to be plain but they were salt and vinegar which I detest, and had to consume the remainder of my diet coke to get the damn taste out of my mouth. Would it have been that hard to put Salt & Vinegar crisps in the menu description, no probably not but then the menus have never really been known for their clarity have they (unless its regarding the wine which takes twice as many pages to describe compared to the food selection). Hands up if you have ever been in Upper, looked at the menu and then said to the crew when they take your food order, Which one is the soup?. I know I have, and always get a good laugh. Made use of the Free Wi-Fi access which was clearly advertised, and had a quick check of the forums and synced my corporate e-mail. Then decided to investigate the pitiful selection of small shops that grace the B gate area. Did contemplate buying the huge 3 litre bottle of Jack Daniels for Sarah at $66 but thought better of it; selfish mode was engaged as I spotted the bookshop selling Harry Potter at a discount, though come to think of it Im quite expecting the front page of the Daily Mail or the Sun to have a headline one day this week of Man spotted paying full price for latest Harry Potter book. Everywhere has the book on sale, maybe retail is doing that well they can throw away such a dead-cert profit. So I felt obliged to buy the book, so I could have something to read on the way home. Then returned to the Clubhouse, and Sarah decided she wanted to have a look round the handful of shops.
A short while later the flight was called, and we made our way over to the gate which is about 15m from the Clubhouse. They have got priority boarding sorted there, and have separate lines. Priority has the token Red carpet. Never really understood why the carpet is red, is it in case any jealous people punch the people on the red carpet and claret is spilled? Mmm, maybe one for Wikipedia later.
Onboard, we made our way to 18AC again, and it then dawned on us that we were on an A343 (Maiden Tokyo). Guess the supervisor hadnt read the data for the flight today. Thankfully it was new PE again, so a great chance to see how well one could sleep in the new seats. The whole plane was very empty, I counted no more than 8 people in PE, we were the only people in all of row 18, guess the other bulkheads arent that popular. Settled in and started to read my new Harry Potter book, and did stroke my chin thinking of all the kids trying to read it. I consider myself quite literate and blessed with a good lexicon, but your average child nowadays? Maybe I missed the TXT speak edition on the lower bookshelves. The drinks service was done, and then it came to meal time. We were both still quite full after the food in the Clubhouse so passed on the food, the member of crew was very good though and said if we wanted to have something later we could. Some more book reading on my part, and then a quick look through the proper papers for an hour or so. Quick and hour I hear you say, anyone that has ever tried to read the Sunday Times will know it takes you a week to read the damn thing. After that, I decided to have a sleep and with that there is not much more to report about the actual flight. I managed to get a few hours sleep without too much stirring, not ideal sleeping comfort but passable. Sitting in row 18 yields no footrest, only a wall, so I got one of the footrest cushions out from the overhead locker which made the sleeping posture a lot better. Lights did seem to come on rather early for the breakfast service, which we both declined as were making use of Revivals. With that the time passed by as I read a bit more of the Sunday Times, and the plane came in to land.
Cant remember which gate we landed at, but it wasnt that far to walk to the immigration hall that was like a bad day at London Zoo. We made a sharp left turn towards the two IRIS machines, only to find that one was closed off. This meant there was a short queue, and a problem transpired in the form that one of the Zoo animals had escaped. They attempted to use the IRIS machine several times, and couldnt understand why it wouldnt let him through. It was only when one of the BAA staff walked over and asked if he had actually registered for the service did the small light come on in his head, Register? Oh.. Twat was my response and then discussed whilst waiting for Sarah to proceed with the BAA chap about how many idiots do that, and he said Lots, not a day goes by without a moron. Nice. With that I proceeded through and downstairs with Sarah to baggage reclaim. Now was LHR going to behave today, and deliver the Upper and Priority baggage first. Not a chance, out comes all the crap first and then about 15 minutes later my case finally arrived. It was then I remember its naughty trait, and had to drag the thing through customs. Bloody wheels!
Now sorry, but what is it with T3 arrivals hall. Do they put something in the air con, but people crowd the exit channels of the arrivals enclosure as you walk through the doors. You almost have to get a bat out to beat the fools out of the way. What is it with the people that have 400 people to greet them, and generally block the place up with flowers and silly felt tip banners. Anyone entering the arrivals hall with a banner in excess of A4 should be shot, even if they are a child. After pushing our way through, we were at Revivals which was pretty quiet at that moment so were able to both get a treatment very quickly. Made use of the showers and then some breakfast whilst waiting for our chauffeur to pick us up.
Again, not a bad flight really. Overall a good trip, the outbound has the advantage given the presence of the FSM.
