VS015 LGW-MCO 1 DEC 11 (Upper Class)

[Darren Wheeler]

This is a Trip Report from the Upper Class cabin

Ground Staff

Food & Drink

Entertainment

Seat

Cabin Crew

I write this from the position as a bit of a lowlife, a poor person who works for the state and thus gets rubbish pay, but does have a nice gold plated pension to look forward too after my years of dealing with the scum of humanity. Oh wait.....

I have only ever flown economy class and pretty much all my flights have been paid with airmiles accrued from spending in Tescos.

So for the last ten years we (initially my wife and I and latterly with 2 children in tow) have been making an annual pilgrimage to Orlando to visit the mouse. About half of our flights on Virgin. Nicely, Airmiles seats book into revenue classes with virgin and thus we’ve managed to get a few virgin miles in the process.

Anyway, Ba announced its avios scheme a few months ago and that simply killed our whole holiday planning ethos, resulting in a hurry to burn the miles we had left before they were rendered worthless. So a quick call to airmiles showed that we had enough airmiles to get 2 + an infant to MCO and there were 2 airmiles seats on the the ba edi to mco flights on 1st December 2011. They were thus booked and my wife and the kids were on their way, but what about me?

Well we looked at our virgin miles and saw that I had 41k and her 32k. So being very naughty, I paid to transfer 9k of her miles into my account and booked a G out on my miles and a P back for me on hers, taking advantage of a 15k one way special offer for PE. This cost a total of £462 in transfer fees taxes etc, but I was flying upper out and PE back (and no kids. How much of a dreadful man am I?)

Well the morning of the flight duly arrived. We all flew down to LGW together on the BA edi shuttle and on landing they went to flight connections, and I with the entire luggage in tow (my one sop to the complete unfairness of my journey) headed on the train thingy to the south terminal.
On my arrival at the south terminal I was shocked by how quiet it was. I have only ever seen the south terminal as a sea of humanity all vainly trashing about looking for space, but not this morning. So wheeled along to the virgin check in area, totally desperate for some virgin staffer to give me the ‘flying economy today sir’ line but never got it. So disappointed
Into the upper class line and got seen straight away. Had a bit of a delay as the checkin agent seemed to get all in a panic hunting for a plastic bag for the car seat. Took about 5 minutes for someone to fetch one. I received about 15 sorrys and panicked looks about the time taken. Dont know why, I told her I would normally have been about 250 in line at the bag drop behind and for her not to worry!
Anyway, got my boarding pass (slightly miffed it was not in purple) and headed to security. Had a fastrack sticker and no one in front of me at all, so waltzed through. In fairness though, there was nae bugger at the normal security line either!
Up to the clubhouse, arriving at 0840. Got all tingly at the reception as I waited to get seen. When it was my turn I was asked if I had visited before (pfft! ) and was quickly shown around. Made my way straight to the spa, as instructed on the numerous trip reports, to see if there was anything available. Well there was and what would I like? Selected a back/shoulder rub at 9.15 without issue. Could have had my pick of times in 15 minute slots right up to 1130.
I then sat at the window in a nice comfy chair to read a complimentary copy of the daily mail in which I discovered that I am a scrounging parasite who deserves to live in the real world. Ho hum, how many times has that journalist had to scrape a 4 week old dead body off a floor whilst grieving relatives howl and wail in the background I wonder?
I was very quickly visited by the lovely ***** and I ordered a virgin redhead. Just, just, YUM!!!
I then went for my treatment. It was great. If I knew it was that good, I would have paid for the longer treatment. Will keep in mind for my next visit in 2022.
Following my treatment, I had a sausage sandwich. Thought bread a little cardboard and too much butter, but washed it down with another 3 or 4 redheads from the very attentive wait staff.
View spectacular of the planes. Saw 4 747’s and a 330 from the clubhouse. They all disappeared leaving only Hot Lips awaiting my presence.
Went for a small wander in the main departure lounge before returning for a bacon sandwich. Again stale bread, but service still totally happy and smiley. So in all, the clubhouse is just great.
The Clubhouse receptionist announced priority boarding at 1205 for a 1300 departure at gate 31 or 32 or similar. Walked for quite a while to get to the gate. Saw a priority boarding line with no-one at it so went right there and enjoyed the evil looks from the other poor folk that I’m destined to rejoin, but for the day I was a rock star
‘Welcome Sir, along the galley and turn left’ well OK then. Took my seat at 9k as the rest of the cabin filled up. All 14 seats we taken. There really is a lot of room in this area. All us Upper passengers stood around chatting and feeling important as we all lied about how successful we were. There was a chap who pretended that he sold his business in 1980s for silly money, a couple of alleged lottery winners, an American couple who ‘worked for NASA’ aye right and a gang of ladies who lunch types who were spending their divorce settlements. I was a specialist computer programmer/trouble shooter being flown in to fix a tech problem for a secret mouse related entertainment company. Only the couple in seats 6 didnt join in. I think they were the real moneyed flyers as they were the only people the flight service manager deigned to grace with her presence (never saw her again the whole flight by the way).

All too soon it was take seats for takeoff and for the first time in 20 virgin flights, I took off on time. As soon as the seat belt sign was off, the cabin crew swung into action with drinks and a welcome cup of crisps with outstanding obsequiousness.

My flight cabin worker (just what do we call stewardesses nowadays?) came over and introduced herself and asked me to let her know if there was anything I needed. Although to be honest, I never had a chance as she came to visit me every half hour (other than an hour or two when she was on her break, but another chap filled in admirably for her) to continually ask me. Unfortunately as I was driving at the other end, and I had had a few redheads in the clubhouse, it was diet pepsi all the way.

Lunch was offered and I chose the soup followed by the beef. Expected to get a ‘none left’, but no, out it duly came and it was lovely. Soup super spicy and tasty and the beef tender and juicy. Can’t see where the moans on this site about food come from to be honest.
I then settled down to watch the movies. Unfortunately Virgin had not loaded the December tapes and we were left with the November options. Also my headphones had a busted tweeter on the left side so I used my own ones. I watched the rise of the apes which was OK, the In Betweeners which was a total hoot and super 8, which reminded me of watching Spielberg films as a boy, so that was fabby. All the while being smiled at by the cabin crew every 30 minutes and offered more to drink. Again, how can anybody fault service of this standard? Some people need a trip up the back to re-educate themselves!
About 90 minutes out I was offered and accepted some nice finger sandwiches and a slice of cake which were both tasty.
One thing I noticed throughout the flight was how quiet it is up the front. I am used to an incessant roar when I fly, but never heard so much as a whine from the engines outside take off.
Eventually landed and made my way out to a deserted customs area. There were about 20 people in front of me from the PE cabin and that small Y cabin, but more than 20 immigration officers, so it was straight through and on to await my bags.
Well low and behold my 3 bags + car seat were the very first 4 items to turn up and I bolted through customs and onto the monorail to enjoy my holiday.
I have to say, that I found this experience awesome and can only dream about being as jaded as some on this site appear to be when flying in Upper. It really is a special experience compared to the back of the bus.

[honey lamb]

Lovely, lovely trip report. I really chuckled over everyone lying about their various status and I loved your excitement about the whole UC experience.

You truly are a dreadful man but really glad you enjoyed the experience .

Great TR, thoroughly enjoyed reading this!

Agree with HL, I did have a giggle at the "status" stories!

Glad you had a good experience, will await your next UC TR in 2022 (let's hope it's earlier!)

[buns]

Thank you for such a charming TR

Your ability to manipulate the Air miles markets to your best advantage ought to qualify you to be a top advisor to the Chancellor

Seriously, I thoroughly enjoyed your account of your very special UC experience - I think (like many of us V-Flyers) you may be seeking to re-live the journey sooner rather than later

buns

Great report poggs. And, as an aside - I have to say that I identify with the first paragraph.....

Still laughing at your great TR. I'm impressed, I've only ever struck up a conversation with other UC pax after a few drinks at the bar

Great TR. Had me giggling all the way about the UC passengers.
What you wrote had me smiling about the fibs at the bar in UC - So true.
I often play the game when I feel I am being told a tale. I have worked for "NASA", the government etc. Have the staff in hysterics when I tell them afterward I am a lowly IT Manager and just pulling people's chain as they have got to be lying.
I must say my best game. Sitting at the bar with the staff during UC flights to / from LAX looking thru "Hello" and other type mags seeing if we can spot some Z-list celeb. on the flight. You wouldn't play that game on BA

Thank you for the great TR.

What a great read - you've a talent for writingt thefre, no doubt about it!

Really glad you got the A-team on that flight....it makes such a difference.

Absolutely brilliant TR Laughed out loud too many times to note here

Great TR. Just one question though - is She-who-must-be-obeyed still talking to you or is she now talking to her solicitor instead??????

Thanks for all the nice comments.

My dear wife accepted my fortune very gracefully, until she read the part about me getting a 'treatment' in the clubhouse. This she had not known about and was a touch iffy with me. I did try and explain that there are no 'extras' given in the clubhouse, but I'm not sure she is buying it.

Appeasement in this case was a jaunt to the apple store and new iphone 4s purchase.

Getting to fly upper was still worth it though!