This is a Trip Report from the Premium Economy cabin
Ground Staff
Food & Drink
Entertainment
Seat
Cabin Crew
Exactly 24 hrs before the flight I sat at the beach bar with my trusty laptop to check in - still only seq4, I really must try harder - how do they do that?
Checked in with no problems, but had been allocated 16D/E right in the middle of the a/c. Would have preferred the outer 2's or even better the bubble 2's for the sake of experience, but all PE seats have been allocated, the seat map was not even offered. Perhaps I would be able to be able to swap seats at check in....
The a/c is VROS English Rose - the same one we came out on, at least it is refurbed and though it has left LGW slightly late, it should be OK for an on-time departure.
Taxi drops us right outside the check in but keeps us in the vehicle until his mates are in position to 'help' us the five yards with our suitcases and then wait with hand out-stretched. I give him $1 - and his mate a further $1 - he reminds me there are two of them - I remind him his rate is already around $1000 a mile - he walks off in disgust to find another 'victim'.
I soon realise he has left us at the front of the Econ Queue, but no problem as there is only one agent to cover all the econ, PE & UC desks
Several pax dive in front and I soon work out that no more check in staff are coming to our rescue - it is every man for himself as the queue lengthens behind us. At the next half-opportunity I step forward and plonk my case on the scales which resonate with a loud bang. Everybody takes one step back and I realise I have blown my chance of a free upgrade. The check in agent asks me if she can deal with a couple of Upper Class passengers who just need passes and I graciously agree.
When my turn finally comes around she reminds me that she is there to help me. I ask if our seats can be changed but she just shrugs, says the cabin is full and checks our luggage without a further word, handing me our passes with the original seats. Looks like Mrs Bob is going to have to sleep next to a stranger tonight. The atmosphere is such that I suspect the check in lady will pee in our suitcases or set them on fire. I console myself that they are only filled with dirty washing.
My expectations of ANU airport are not great, but to my surprise it is not bad. Security and Immigration pass without problem except I forget to put my passport number on the little slip they give you when you arrive - so they do actually read them. I wonder what they do if you lose them in the time you are there
.....The downstairs area is v.crowded and the duty free shops have people to throw you in, not out.
We retire to the upstairs where the aircon is keeping it nice and cool and there is plenty of seating , and a large windows overlooking the a/c parking aprons.
The flight is scheduled to leave at 5.30 local, but this comes and goes without any action. We are eventually called at 5.45 and make our way to the gate.
It is a long walk to the a/c but I don't mind - It helps to get things into perspective climbing up the steps on a nice evening, and I need all the exercise that I can get. I usually make myself unpopular by loitering as long as possible before entering the A/C.
We take our seats and feel a little surrounded, but is probably worse in the middle 4's of economy.
I am a little miffed because the 2's on our left are occupied with a family of 4 who were on the same flight as us on the way out, but console myself that although the two boys were both under 4 they were quite well behaved and sweet.
Another couple with a toddler take up residence one row ahead and to our right. I start to feel uneasy
........ First officer announces that take off is delayed due to a problem with 'the paperwork'. I suspect their Credit Card to pay for the fuel has been declined. I consider offering mine, but do some mental arithmetic and realise that I probably have not got enough in my account either.
The aircon is struggling with the doors open and no main engine power. The toddlers are getting fractious. So am I.
Sparkling wine is offered
. I think scotch would be appropriate, but not on offer. I settle for OJ.FA tries to entertain us with pretzels and more OJ/warm water, I feel sorry for them, it is hot enough sitting still, must be even worse working..
The First Officer tells us we now have a technical problem, we have an engineer on board who estimates half an hour for repairs. Being an Engineer I consider offering my services but Mrs Bob does not think I am qualified. Probably wouldn't want to pay my fees anyway so I keep quiet and enjoy my warm OJ.
Forty minutes pass slowly marked only by the protests of the toddlers.
Eventually the doors are shut and departure is promised. An eternity later (5 mins) later we are lined up on the runway and taking off into the wild blue yonder leaving beautiful Antigua in our 7 o’clock position. I wonder what the problem was that the engineer fixed before he got OFF the A/C, Why don't they make engineers fly on the a/c they fix .....
The IFE is not turned on so I can’t monitor the climb out, pity because it is the most interesting part.
Amenity kits are distributed – looks like they have been made from old socks by a child of 8, but at least you get one on the return trip, would probably be better to get one on the way out, then you would have use of it on both trips.
As soon as the seat belt lights go out Mrs Mumm, mother of the two toddlers on my left stands on the armrest to retrieve some goodies from the overhead locker. The meal arrives with a 1/4 bottle of wine – no pre dinner alcohol then ...... I choose the pot roast. It is quite tasty if you use all the salt and pepper provided. Coffee now comes in a half full ‘paper’ cup and no top ups. I pass on the after dinner liquors.
Mrs Mumm decides it is time to change the youngests’ nappy, but does not bother to retire to the loos – the seat is fine. A few wrinkled noses later the aircon consumes the fumes and all is returned to normal.
Lights are dimmed and the FA’s retire for a well earned rest. Eyes get heavy and we all drift off .... Not for long though, the toddler to our right wakes in a nightmare and screams , soon placated by the parent but too late for me. Mrs Mumm is standing on the seat again. Every time I look left she either has her head in the locker or bending over the seats displaying. I play Millionare until the questions repeat and I win every time.
I give up and go for a walk to the back of the A/C. Amazingly Econ is only around 1/3 full. Many of the middle 4’s are empty and lots of people have put the armrest up and are stretched out! It is a haven of peace. I wonder why I spent all that money.......
I return to the packed PE cabin. ‘breakfast’ is served with plastic knives and forks. Fairly tasty but only paper cup half full of coffee and again no top up.
We touch down at LGW 1.1/4 hours late, just in time to catch the early morning M25 traffic – at least it is Saturday.
We walk the mile to luggage reclaim and our suitcases appear among the first on the belt – at least there are still some things to justify paying PE prices ...
I would just like to add that all the children in this review behaved impeccably and that none of them were injured in any way.
Loyal (almost) Virgin flier since Maastricht 1986 - G-AOYP RIP
